Broken Letters
by RR-Roza-Robertson
Summary: What would happen if Rose saved Dimitri that moment in the cave? Rose makes a fresh start and a new life for herself, away from the memories of her past. However, when everybody is reunited, what will fate bring this time? Rose's life is never easy after all.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first chapter of my new Vampire Academy fanfiction. I haven't written a really long one…ever on this site, so this is a first and I really hope you enjoy it. It's already finished but I'll upload a chapter a week as it is still under heavy editing. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or the characters. **

**I hope you enjoy and review please! It helps me a lot :D**

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I suppose that the main thing I can say is that life officially sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love where I've ended up. I'm…okay with my job. I always thought that I'd end up guarding Lissa, that we'd be together forever, as corny as that sounds.

Life…Life always ends up different though. Life never works out the way that you want it to, and that's just the way that it is.

I always thought that I knew what I wanted; to become the best guardian for Lissa. That didn't exactly happen.

Half way through I thought that I could be with Dimitri, the one forbidden love I was willing to risk my dream for…that didn't happen either. I suppose the only thing that did go according to plan was that I became the best guardian I could be. It was the only thing left that I had. I know that I had Lissa, and Christian and Eddie. I know I had people there but not the one that I really wanted.

Everything else felt like a chore, it felt mediocre after that.

I saved him. I saved his life. I almost ended mine. When I ran back into that cave after him I almost killed my mother who ran after me. It was that fucking blonde Strigoi. I know that I didn't kill him, I only managed to plunge the stake into his neck, but it was enough to stun him, enough time to grab Dimitri and run. Enough time to hold that hope in my stomach and drag him back to the school.

People found out…rumours spread…Dimitri was fired as being my mentor. He told me he never wanted to be with me again. He avoided me like the damn plague, and if he wasn't such a damn good guardian and with all the shit going on I'm sure he would've been fired as well.

I'm thankful he wasn't, but it gave me time to myself. I was in pain, I was in serious pain. He was the first guy that I ever allowed myself to fall for, the first guy I ever truly took that risk with. He broke me, but it was my fault. I know that it was my fault. I'd fallen for the one guy that I shouldn't have.

I followed everything he taught me though, and I incorporated every bit of pain and anger and resentment into my training. I kept up the training patterns and practically became a recluse. I studied my arse off, I trained almost every spare minute and it turned out to be for the best.

I don't want to admit it but the truth is that it was all for him. If it hadn't been for him then I wouldn't have made it as far as I had. I wanted to make him proud, even if he didn't want me anymore. I think that I did make him proud, or I hope I did. I came out with the best score that anyone had ever gotten at St Vladimir's. I had even gotten a harder and more complicated course than the other students, you'd think it would make me fall behind but instead I came out the best.

My mother came, as did my father who I had met after the attack. He was the one that offered to get me the job at St Basils because I declined the offer to be Lissa's guardian. She didn't know until the unveiling of who we got as our guardians and Dimitri and Eddie's name was called out, but mine was not. People gasped, they thought it was a mistake, but when Lissa looked back and found me and realised there was no shock on my face, she knew what I had done.

Afterwards, not only did she, Christian and Eddie corner me and demand to know what happened, so did Dimitri, and if that wasn't crazy enough he seemed the most pissed off. I still remember Lissa's distressed, betrayed face, Christian was simply pissed because I hurt Lissa and Eddie's confused, trying to know what was going on. Mostly Dimitri's though. I had never seen him as mad as I had then.

He stood at the back as the other yelled and cried; I could remember practically seeing the fury rolling off of him in waves. He was silent though. That furious silent, where the eyes penetrate, the jaw is tight and the fists are clenched. It was when the others left that he let it all out. Left in a room with a seething, pissed off Russian was not my idea of fun. It being Dimitri made it just that much worst. I don't want to admit it but I was scared. I almost didn't know him anymore. He was so pissed off that it almost hurts to remember the words.

"_Why?" his accent was thicker than I think I've ever heard it. I leant back against the brick wall, barely hearing the sound of families with their kids, charges getting to know their guardians. _

"_Why what?" I'd had enough of the others and seeing him was hurting me. Why did he care so much? He didn't want to see me anymore, he's been avoiding me like hell, he should be glad! _

"_You know why? Why give up your position as Lissa's guardian?" he was getting closer to me, staring down with a look of anger I'd only ever seen him stare at a Strigoi with, and seeing that much anger was killing me. I kept an indifferent face because I didn't want to show how much it hurt. _

"_I felt like it." I snapped back, trying to turn my pain into anger. _

"_God dammit, Rose!" he snapped, his hand slapped against the brick wall beside my head. I hadn't expected it and I hated that I flinched. He almost seemed regretful for a moment. It must be hard to see the girl that defeated Strigoi, got kidnapped, held her best friends dead body in her arms and entered a battle without fault wince in fear at the man that she loved. _

"_Why the fuck do you care? You've been avoiding me like the fucking plague lately! You should be rejoicing, be happy!" I yelled back, trying not to let the pain overtake me. _

"_I care because of Lissa! I care because you were meant to be her guardian! She's like your sister and you're giving her up because of me! It's pathetic, Roza!" I wasn't sure if the name just slipped out or not, but he seemed damn shocked he said it. _

_He must've seen the look on my face because it was as if the anger just vanished from him. _

"_No, Rose, I didn't—" it was stupid really, what was he going to say? He didn't mean it? The only things that he could say would only hurt me more. _

"_Just, just don't bother, Dimitri. I've heard enough. The fact is that I'm too connected and that you were right all along. I wouldn't protect her, and that's wrong. I found an out, so I'm taking it. You protect her because as much as she hates me now she is my sister. If you don't protect her with your life I'll come back and kill you, and that is a promise," I knew I had to stop because my lip was quivering "just give her back this, will you?" and I reached into my back pocket for the chotki and placed it in his hand. _

"_Rose, I'll leave, I'll stay and work here, don't hurt her like this," I knew that I was going to break any second. _

"_Dimitri, I've given everything up for other people all my life. It's only ever hurt me. For once…for once I'm doing something for myself. It's not just you; it's Mason, it's the memories. I'm getting rid of the pain and I'm going to live my life. Take it how you will, I won't guard Lissa any longer. Goodbye, Guardian Belikov." and I placed my hand on his chest and pushed him back because he was a lot closer than he should be. And I just walked away. _

It was the last time I saw him before I left. The last time I saw any of them.

…

And now I'm 20, and it's been two years and things haven't been too adventurous. I work as a guardian at St Basils still.

I can't say that I hate my job because I don't. In fact I even like some of the students and I like teaching my students to fight. Of course a lot of them hate me; you could say that I channel Dimitri in most of the training aspect. It was awkward, of course, when I found out that Dimitri's sister was a student here, Viktoria, but she graduated the year that I got there and I never really saw her. And when I did I was great at avoiding her questions. It really was awkward though.

Now his nephew, Paul, was here. I quite liked him. He was a sweet boy, tough and looked exactly like a miniature version of Dimitri did. On days that I hated myself I found myself thinking if Dimitri had been just like Paul as a kid. Happy, smart, charming, sometimes a bit annoying, but that was a given. Dimitri was annoying as an adult, why would it be different as a child?

…

"I thought I'd find you in here." I looked up from my staring at nothing yet everything. Today was one of those days that I hated myself.

"What are you doing up?" I asked in confusion as the Father came and sat beside me. He was a nice man. Younger than you'd expect, but trustworthy and kind. He kind of reminded me of the Father back at St Vladimir's.

"I could ask you the same thing," he said back and I smiled, shrugging.

"Couldn't sleep." I stated and it wasn't a lie. I liked to sit in the church during the day, human day, because the sun came in through the windows and it warmed my skin, and it made me wonder what life would've been like had Lissa and I not been found.

We'd probably be dead, true, but Mason would be alive and Dimitri would still be a great guardian at the school. I wouldn't have tarnished his reputation; I wouldn't have hurt my mother or friends. Sometimes I wonder what fate would've had planned instead. Would those Strigoi still have tried to destroy all those family lines? Maybe, maybe not.

"You seem to not sleep a lot. I brought you a tea." I smiled at him. I'd gotten myself off of coffee; tea had more caffeine in it and it didn't leave that gross after taste.

"Thank you." I grabbed the cup and sipped at it. "Neither do you," I continued the conversation. He shrugged one shoulder.

"They say that the smarter ones stay up later." and we both grinned in humour.

"I suppose you heard about them," I sighed. I knew Father Maars too damn well. We'd become quite close friends actually, and one night I'd confessed most to him. It's not like he hadn't heard the rumours, I just filled in the blanks.

"It's great; more schools are bringing the program in. Lissa's making a great life for herself," I stated positively but you could hear the undertone in my voice.

"Yes, that's true, it's great that they're teaching magic in more schools now, but you still wish that you didn't have to cross paths with her again. Tell me I'm wrong." he dared and I turned to stare at him before sighing.

"It's been two damn years. Couldn't they have at least waited until next year to come, when I leave?" my father's main guardian was leaving to protect his family, to have a life and he offered the job to me. I couldn't refuse. He was my family and it would be great to see my dad more. Sometimes a phone call couldn't cut it.

"You have to wonder why they chose now, don't you?" he said with a small smirk and I glared at him.

"I don't have to wonder, but now I am and I hate you." I stated lightly and he chuckled, trying to look innocent.

"I did nothing," I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, sure, and pigs fly and I'm Spiderman." I retorted, once again making him laugh.

"You'll be fine, Rose. It's a big campus, I'm sure you won't even see them," I rolled my eyes.

"And why don't I believe that?" I asked slightly sarcastically. He smirked.

"Maybe because I'm lying."


	2. Chapter 2

"Rose!" I turned around, grinning down at the ten year old Paul. My rounds were almost always near the younger campus, since I was a great fighter and we usually wanted to protect the kids first. They couldn't protect themselves as well as the older students.

"Hey, Paul," I greeted back, ruffling his brown hair. His chocolate brown eyes always sparked the same mess of emotion; pain, longing, anger and regret. But I still smiled because I can't blame the kid for who he's related to.

"What are you doing out of class?" I asked him, pulling up my black jeans slightly and then crouching down so that he was now taller than me. He definitely took after his uncle.

"It's lunch, Rose, your shift ended a couple of minutes ago," I looked up as Saunders, the guardian who took over my shift, walked over.

"Oh, really?" I glanced at me watch and sighed, it was past my shift.

"I must've gotten distracted." distracted alright. Today was the day. The big fucking day and my nerves were going haywire, every blonde was Lissa, every tall brunette was Dimitri, every fucking smirk was Christian's and I was so over it.

"You alright?" Saunders asked and I nodded, standing back up and smiling.

"Of course, just didn't get a lot of sleep the last few nights, but I'm okay," I grinned down at Paul again.

"Now what do you say about me walking you to the cafeteria?" he nodded his head eagerly and I grinned, he grabbed my hand and I nodded to Saunders as we walked away.

"Rose, did you know my Uncle is coming today?" I nodded my head, my gut twisting. Just what I didn't want to talk about.

"I did, you must be very excited, when was the last time you saw him?" I said mostly for conversation.

"Hmm, maybe two or three years ago…I saw him once for Christmas. He only came to drop in the presents though, he had been working." I nodded my head, kind of upset that Dimitri waited this long to see his nephew, yet happy since it meant that I hadn't seen him.

"Well—" I went to speak but he suddenly paused as his face lit up. I groaned, this meant one of two things; there was a very large, large doughnut that he was about to race for or he just saw his Uncle.

"Uncle!" of course it was the second thing. _Of-fucking-course_.

"Paul!" I could hear the grin in his voice and I felt pain rocket through me. For a moment I almost looked over what I wore and how I looked. I knew that I'd grown up, matured more. My dark brown hair was up in a high ponytail, I wore my black stretch skinny jeans and a black button-up blouse, like you're meant to. I had black converse on and little make-up.

"Uncle, I want you to meet someone! She's my favourite teacher, so funny, and she loves doughnuts!" I winced before placing my guardian mask on, trying not to show my pain.

It was then that the shock, pain and slight anger hit me through the bond. Black spots danced in front of my vision. I'd been blocking the bond for so long that I'd forgotten what it felt like to access it. Being this close to her I couldn't help it.

"This is Rose, Rose, this is Dimitri." I sucked in a breath and looked up from the floor, my heart beating through my chest.

"I know, Paul, we've met before." Dimitri simply stared at me; his eyes roamed my body before I bowed my head to Lissa and Christian.

They looked great. Stronger than ever. Now that Moroi could fight I could tell that they'd been training. I was shocked at Lissa's appearance. She was even more gorgeous, if that was possible, but her hair was also shoulder length. Eddie stood beside Dimitri and even he looked better. It's been two years; I tried to tell myself, they would've aged as well. I know that I have.

"Princess Vasilisa, Lord Ozera, Guardian Belikov, Castile," they seemed shocked at the formal titles, but times had changed.

"Rose…" Lissa simply whispered and I know that for a moment my mask broke and my brows furrowed. The pain was almost overwhelming.

"Rose!" I had never felt so thankful for Father Maars.

"Dean," I turned, feeling myself calm. He just had that effect on me. On anyone really.

He jogged up to me before realising who I was with and raising an eyebrow in my direction before smirking.

"You know what, I can come back later." he went to turn around but I coughed.

"What did you want?" there was an undertone that I knew he heard. He rolled his eyes.

"You were meant to meet me for tea, you didn't." I slapped my forehead.

"You forgot again!" I grinned at him cheekily.

"Of course I didn't, I was testing your patience, it's obvious you don't have much if you came to look for me after ten minutes," and then I winked at him before turning to the others, my face blank again. I bowed once more.

"I'm sorry I must leave so quickly, but I had prior engagements. I hope you have a nice stay here." and then I grinned at Paul because he was waving at me.

"Are you still teaching our class today?" he asked suddenly and I shrugged.

"I don't know, I think I have a meeting, but we'll see, okay?" he nodded, waved again and then I turned and walked off. I knew they were watching as Father Maars elbowed me, so I turned to stare at him and he chuckled, winking as he threw an arm over my shoulder. I rolled my eyes but left it there.

"Take me to sit down," her emotions were becoming too strong. He took me to the church, like always, and we sat in the back pews.

"What's wrong?" he asked in concern and I groaned.

"The bond is back. It hurts since I haven't used it in so long." he nodded in understanding.

"I'll make them give your shift to someone else; I'm taking you up to your room so that you can sleep. It's probably no help that you were up all night; you probably can't hold the block anymore." I groaned but nodded, sleep sounded wonderful.

"What would I do without you?" I grumbled and he chuckled.

"Die a painful, slow death," he mocked and I grinned.

"That's probably truer than you'd realise." and we both laughed.

"Rose!" I quickly stood up from where I leant against Father Maars.

"Lord Ozera." I bowed my head, only to have it spin and me to stumble just the tiniest bit. Despite the slight anger in his face, he also tried to conceal concern as he saw it.

"Whoa, you need to sit down," Father Maars wrapped an arm around my waist to keep me standing.

"What's wrong?" Christian asked and I sighed.

"Nothing, Ozera. I'm just feeling dizzy" I told him and he raised an eyebrow.

"Are you pregnant?" I began to cough, choking on my own spit while I felt Father Maars' body shake from laughter.

"No—no, I am not pregnant, nor will I be for a very, very, very long time. I may have been called a slut at the academy, Ozera, but I can tell you right now that I'm not, nor have I ever been." I snapped and he held up his hands in defeat.

"Sorry, sorry…look, Lissa's asking for you, she's teaching now but she wants to have dinner with you," I bit my lip and frowned.

"I can't. I have work to do. I take the dinner rounds. I'm just going to sleep for an hour and then I'm straight back to work, tell her I said sorry." and then I made a move to go back up to my room, and Father Maars had to follow since he was keeping me standing.

"You have to speak to them sometime," Dean stated as he opened my door and pushed me onto my bed. I groaned, rolling my eyes.

"I did; don't you remember? You saw me speaking to them, and just then I spoke to him," I muttered and I could hear him laugh lightly.

"You are one stubborn woman, Rose." I smirked.

"That's why you love me," I teased.

He chuckled "I'll check on you in an hour and I'll bring food," I moaned.

"Lifesaver." I fell asleep quite soon after that.

…

And he did wake me up, and he did bring food and yes, I severely love him.

He was never really at the church, if you were wondering why he was always with me. The church was free for all, so he didn't really care, so long as nobody burnt it down. I wondered if this was why the Father at St Vladimir's never caught Lissa and Christian; he was never fucking there.

"I don't know if you should be doing your shift," he said, shaking his head and I rolled my eyes.

"I feel a heck better," and I did. I did just need sleep and food. The block was safely placed back up, my head felt fine and I was ready to dance. Not literally, of course. That would be scary.

"Hey, Sean, you can leave, I'm here for my shift," I smiled at the guardian currently on schedule. He looked at me in confusion, brows furrowed.

"No you aren't, I have your usual shift today." I raised both eye brows; I still hadn't learnt how to raise one.

"Excuse me? I haven't heard of any shift changes," I placed a hand on my hip, and he looked at me in confusion.

"Well there has been, I have double," I looked accusingly at Dean and he looked back at me before putting both hands up in a surrender pose.

"Don't look at me; I had nothing to do with this!" I rolled my eyes.

"Who changed my shift, Sean?" he thought for a second.

"Oh, Princess Dragomir…that's the name right? Yeah, she said that she wants to have dinner with you or something…I don't know, I wasn't really listening too hard." I rolled my eyes at his shrug, but I was pissed off.

"Rose, don't do anything stupid!" Dean warned and I felt my fists clench.

"No, I'm not a novice anymore, nor am I associated with her in anyway bah this stupid bond. She does not get away with changing my shifts and messing with my work!" I snapped before turning around and beginning to walk. I dropped the block just a tiny bit to see that she was still in the gym; a couple of Moroi had stayed behind to ask her a few questions.

The gym wasn't that far away, and when I got there Moroi were still speaking, so I waited in the background, Dean having left, not wanting to see this. My arms were crossed against my chest and I could see Dimitri and Christian staring at me worriedly. They could see I was pissed, and the longer I waited the worst it got.

Finally the last Moroi left, smiling at me, to which I bowed my head.

Then we were alone, my heart thumped and my stomach twisted. I let my guardian mask fall into place and ignored her smile, which I knew was fake. She knew me well enough to know when I was pissed off.

"Rose—" I quickly cut her off.

"It's Guardian Mazure; actually," I took my father's name soon after moving here and I didn't miss their shocked faces "listen to me, Princess Dragomir. I am not a novice anymore, nor do I wish to be associated in anyway with my past any longer. I've created a good life for myself here; I'm happy, happier than I would have been. If you want to come speak to me, I may ask that you come and find me yourself, do not get your boyfriend to come do it, and do not, under any circumstances, change my shift or mess with my work again, do you understand?" she looked completely shocked, as did the others, and hesitantly nodded.

"Good, now you have a nice night." I bowed my head then turned on my heel, striding out of the place. It was hard to block the pain radiating through the bond. It was easier to do with my own pain searing in my chest.

When I left I headed straight for Sean, where I told him that it was worked out and he could go have dinner, he really didn't mind and didn't ask questions. I sighed, ran a hand over my face and quickly began to start my rounds.

"Guardian Mazure," I almost groaned, instead breathing out heavily through my nose. I had at least managed an hour of silence and time to myself.

"Guardian Belikov," I greeted dryly, not pausing in my walk.

"May I walk with you?" his tone was just as stiff as mine, but I still avoided looking at him. It hurt too much. I hated that it still did.

"As long as you keep a look out also," he nodded his head and fell into step.

"You seem to like working here." I nodded my head.

"More so than I thought I ever would. May I ask why you are here?" I glanced at him for the first time and my heart almost stopped.

His brown hair was in that ponytail that sat at the back of his neck but never held all the hair in, so a few strands blew across his face. He had light stubble on his chin and wore his normal outfit of jeans, black shirt and duster. Despite being older, he looked the same and I kind of hated him for it.

He glanced at me sideways "to guard Princess Dragomir," I rolled my eyes, exhaling noisily. This was how it was going to be then.

"You know what I mean," I paused; facing him "why are you here with me, on my rounds?" he paused as well, turning to face me.

"Why? Because you not only hurt my charge, but also your best friend and I want to know why." it hurt, looking at him and knowing how bad I wanted us to be together. Knowing that it never happened. Knowing that he played me. Knowing that it was a game I lost and he was always going to win.

"It's been two years, a lot changes in that time," I stated, looking away from his intense gaze. It was always harder to lie to him.

"No, not so much that you hate the girl you protected from the age of five." my head snapped towards him.

"I don't hate her!"

"Then why hurt her?" he snapped back and I glared at him.

"Because it's easier that way! I have a job to do, so go do yours!" I hissed venomously before turning around and continuing on my shift which I was now ten minutes behind on.

Fucking prick!


	3. Chapter 3

**Next chapter **** Hope you enjoy. **

**Also, I want to thank everyone who seems to like this, and even if I don't respond to your comments I really do appreciate them! **

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I hadn't seen Dimitri since my shift about two days ago, not until I was in the middle of teaching a class. Thankfully I wasn't distracted, showing the juniors a training move to get someone to the ground. I glanced up and watched as he entered and stood at the back with the other guardians who watched. Most just had nothing else to do.

"Could we see a demonstration?" a student asked with a hand raised. I raised my eyebrows and stood up straight.

"Which one of you wants to help demonstrate?" I asked, a tiny smirk on my lips as I looked at the three guardians, including Dimitri, which stood along the back wall.

"You mean which one of us wants our butt's kicked? I'm fine, thanks." Saunders joked.

"Yeah, I'm fine too." Elena, a new guardian who I actually liked, stated.

"That leaves me." Dimitri stood and I saw a couple of girls gape as he shrugged off his duster, putting it on the floor.

"This will be interesting, huh, Rose? Taking on your old mentor, and he can't do a thing about it." Saunders chuckled.

I almost replied that this hadn't been the first time I'd taken him on, but then decided not to, as that may be a bit unprofessional.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked and I almost wanted to say to fuck off, but that probably wouldn't be the best idea either.

"I want you to come at me, as if you were lunging, use your weight. I'm trying to teach them what not to do, while teaching them what to do." I shrugged "Students, I want you to look at how I use his weight against mine." I glanced at the kids sitting on the bleachers and then nodded at Dimitri to go.

Of course it seemed to go in slow motion but it was always fast. He rushed at me, and for a moment I glimpsed that powerful Russian who saved me from the Strigoi Natalie. He lunged, as if trying to push me to the ground, but I shifted my weight, got into the stance and managed to roll him over my back so that he hit the mat instead with a grunt.

"Now, if this is a Strigoi, the best thing to do next would be to aim for the head, a hard stomp, or even the ribs," I aimed with kicks, not actually hitting Dimitri but demonstrating "and if it's a male Strigoi then yes, their private area is also a weakness even while dead," and again I demonstrated. I kept a straight face as Dimitri winced, by foot hovering above his groin. I'm sure he knew that if there was nobody else in the room I would have actually done it.

"While this won't keep them down long, it can be enough to stun them while you go in for the stake." and I mimicked the stake, slapping my hand where his heart his, only to feel his heart thump fast under my hand.

I stared at Dimitri for a second, both of our eyes locking. I almost began to get lost again before the pain in my chest stopped me, reminding me of the hurt that he'd caused back then, and the pain that still exists.

I stood up and held a hand out to him, which he took and let me help him stand. The bell rung and I glanced at the clock.

"Okay, now I want you all to remember what I told you today, and I will be holding a morning training session tomorrow morning before breakfast for anybody who wants to get some more sessions in. Dismissed." I called out and they all hurriedly left, wanting to shower and get to lunch.

I sighed, pulling the tie out of my hair and letting the curls fall over my shoulders. I ran my hand through the strands in relief, the constant pulling against my skull now gone. I still groaned though, because I've had a constant thumping in my head since Lissa had gotten here, no matter how much sleep or food I've gotten.

"Extra training sessions? You really put in the work, don't you?" I shrugged one shoulder, taking a large gulp of water.

"I want them to be prepared, no matter what age. Lord knows I wasn't, so the more I can prepare them the better I'll feel about them going out into the real world." I stated.

"They aren't all going to need the training as much as you did, you had…unusual circumstances." Dimitri explained and I scoffed.

"Does that really matter? I'm sure I'm not the only person in the existence of this world to have unusual circumstances. The fact is that I wasn't expecting it and somebody else won't be either, but something can happen and I can help them deal."

Dimitri nodded in agreement, sitting on the bleachers and then patting the spot next to him. I very hesitantly walked over and he raised an eyebrow.

"I don't bite." he stated and I couldn't help a tiny smirk falling onto my lips.

"Oh, I remember at one point you did," and I saw his lips twitch but his cheeks redden just the tiniest bit.

"I remember that you didn't seem to mind much." and this time my cheeks went that tiny bit red, because he was right, I hadn't minded.

"What are you doing here, Dimitri?" I asked, taking another sip of water.

"Come have lunch with us." it was a question, but being Dimitri it came out more like a demand.

"I uh, I can't," I stuttered and he chuckled.

"Say it once more but with more feeling, you've almost got it," I scoffed.

"I honestly can't." I stated, more honestly now.

"Why not?" I winced, rubbing at my head.

"My heard hurts the closer I get to her. I'll end up just passing out and unconscious isn't a good look on me." I specified with sarcasm and he stared at me seriously.

"Did you ever think that it's because you're blocking her? Maybe if you let the block go it won't hurt." I know it won't hurt, not physically at least. Emotionally though? It will be so much worst.

"Yeah, see, that's not an option. I've quite liked having my own thoughts and I don't want to go back to sharing them." I stated and Dimitri shook his head.

"Then why don't you teach her how to block you? That way you won't be in pain and you can both block each other and I imagine it will be easier to do so," I rolled my eyes.

"This is just a plan to get me to speak to them, isn't it?" I asked and he shrugged, smirking at me.

"You seem to be able to speak to me without trouble, why can you not speak to them?" maybe because I betrayed them, but I hadn't you.

Instead I stood, grabbed my water bottle and bag and sighed as I stared down at him.

"That's where you're wrong, Dimitri, there is trouble when I speak to you, there always has been." and then I left him alone, sitting there and wondering what the fuck I just meant.

…

I wasn't really hungry so I headed towards the Church, sitting in one of the back pews as I so often did. There was only ever a church ceremony on early in the mornings when I was usually training; I liked it at that time since not many people were in the gym. Right now, surprise, surprise, Father Maars was not in. I just sat back, facing my head towards the ceiling and closing my eyes, slowly letting my body relax.

It was good while it lasted. "Rose," I opened my eyes, groaning.

"Why? Just why?" I muttered to myself under my breath. He chuckled and came to sit beside me.

"Muttering under your breath isn't very nice," I looked over at Eddie and sighed, shrugging one shoulder.

"When have I ever been nice, Castile?" I joked and he grinned at me.

"That's very true." he nodded and I laughed lightly.

"So, you're avoiding us." he stated almost conversationally. I frowned.

"Like the damn plague but it doesn't seem like you all get it…I haven't seen you since you got here actually, where've you been?" I asked him and he smiled.

"Mia was in Russia, passing through; I ducked down to see her." I nodded my head and turned to look back at the ceiling.

"How is she? I haven't spoken to her in a few months."

"She's good," he shook his head in disbelief "so you kept in touch with the girl that hated you and tried to ruin you, but not with the girl you thought of as a sister…how the hell does that work, Rose?" I could tell he was pissed off but I didn't really care. I think I was past the point of caring.

"You don't know half of it, Eddie." I muttered, looking at the stained glass windows.

"Then explain it to me." he demanded firmly and I turned to look at him.

"Explain what? Explain that it hurt? Explain that I did everything, everything to become the best because training was the only way to get rid of the pain? Explain that just looking at you, at her, at Chris, at Him, killed me inside? Is that what you want me to explain? Do you want me to explain that the reason I couldn't become her charge was because I couldn't stand seeing the one guy that I fell for hate me? Yeah, it hurt. It fucking killed me. Not only that, but all I could see is death when I looked at you all. Mason, the Strigoi, the battle, Dimitri dying in my fucking arms after that blonde bastard bit him! So no, did I want to stay with you all and slowly kill myself? Then the answer is no, Eddie, no I didn't."

He was frozen in shock.

I shook my head, pushing myself up from the chair and walking out of there quickly.

"Rose, Rose wait!" he yelled, stopping me by pulling my arm around. I hissed, ripping my arm from his grip.

"Why couldn't you have just told us that? We would have understood more, you could have contacted us!" I rolled my eyes.

"You know, the funny thing is, Eddie, for two years I haven't heard fuck all from you or the others. You all knew where I was, it never changed, so…why do I have to contact you, when you could have called the school?" he paused, as if he had never thought of it and I grinned sadistically.

"That's what I thought. For people who wanted to contact me so much, you sure didn't bother to try." and again I turned and left. I realised then that I was walking away from people a hell of a lot lately, after snapping at them.

All I knew was that Lissa would be hearing about this, probably the others too, and I really didn't want to see them for a while. Mainly because there was one main thing that I left out. One main reason that I had refused to see them and talk to them.

Sure, it may be because I betrayed Lissa, Chris, Eddie and Adrian. Mainly, mainly it was because it seemed that the more that the days go by, the less I continued to cry myself to sleep every night over a future that I will never get. The less I woke up with nightmares of Mason's lifeless eyes burned into the back of my skull. The less I scrubbed my body until it bled, because I'd killed so many Strigoi, so many Strigoi that had once been someone just like me, or Lissa.

The more time I spent away from them, away from the reminder of death, the less I would see the blood on my hands of so many people I'd killed.

It seemed that the more I distanced myself from the others, the easier it was to pretend that I wasn't being haunted by my regrets.


	4. Chapter 4

**I want to thank everyone for such great responses to this story, really, thank you so much! **

**Also, I post one a week, maybe twice depending, so if this gets enough responses I might post the next chapter before the weekend. Again, thank you very much! **

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_Previously: _

_The more time I spent away from them, away from the reminder of death, the less I would see the blood on my hands of so many people I'd killed._

_It seemed that the more I distanced myself from the others, the easier it was to pretend that I wasn't being haunted by my regrets._

_._

_._

_._

It turns out that my wishes are never granted. It may also be possible that life hates me. It was the day after the next from the argument that I was called into the head security's office. In there was Lissa, Christian, Eddie and Dimitri and I just knew that I wasn't going to like this.

"Guardian Romero," I said as I stood behind the chairs, hands clasped behind my back. She grinned at me.

"Mazure, Guardian Castile has to go away for a couple of days, but the Princess and Lord had planned a trip to the shops. Unfortunately Castile leaving means they are down one guardian and we need one more," I almost groaned but bit it back, putting a tiny, kind smile on my face.

"I'd be happy to find someone for you," it was meant to be a hint, but I could see she didn't care.

"I would like you to take them. I'm sure that with you there they would be safe."

"I have classes." my head thumped due to the bond and I almost reached up to touch it, but I knew that Dimitri caught site of my twitching hand. I didn't want him to think that he was right, even if he was.

"I'll have somebody cover them, your rotation shifts as well. Go get some sleep so that you can be up at day break, it takes a while to get to the shops." I was obviously dismissed and pissed but nobody ever seems to care about that. I nodded my head, turned and left. The moment I was out I pulled my hair down out of its ponytail and sighed.

"I'm going to bed, seeing you all in a few hours," I sighed.

"Oh, and don't forget to dress like a girl, it is the human world after all." Lissa said and I paused, turning around, placing one hand on my hip.

"Excuse me; I am dressing like a girl!" I pouted and she raised an eyebrow.

"Sure, Rose. Just try and wear something that has colour in it." and then she turned and I poked my tongue out at her back before turning on my heels and walking away.

I was more annoyed at the fact that she thought that she could still dictate my life. I understood the fact that she'd try and tell me how to dress and scold my swearing when we were teenagers, but she had no right to anymore.

…

I frowned, going through my wardrobe. I had nothing with colour on it. Okay, I lie, I had one red crop top, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to wear that. I shrugged; I pulled on black skinny jeans, the red crop top that was quite baggy and hung off one shoulder and a black leather jacket that I hid my stakes in. I put my hair down and left it down in its waves before putting very minimal make-up on. I hated wearing the shit now.

I suppose it's now because I understood that looking your worst isn't the worst thing in the world anymore.

I sighed, nodding once at my reflection before grabbing my wallet and phone and shoving them into my pocket. Walking towards the gates, where we were meant to meet up, was kind of odd. The sun was only just breaking through the clouds, warming my cold skin. It felt really good. At this time I usually sit in the church, getting as much sun as possible. It was different feeling it warm my skin rather than getting it indirectly through a window.

As I walked past the cafeteria I ducked in quite quickly just to grab myself a tea in a take-away cup and then made way on the journey again.

I got there in no time and I waved at the others who raised an eyebrow at my appearance.

"What now? You're the one that told me to wear colour and unfortunately this is absolutely the only colour I have, so shut up and get in the damn car." I pouted and they chuckled.

"Who's driving?" I asked and Dimitri raised his hand. I nodded and got into the passenger seat.

"Coffee?" he asked as he glanced at the cup. I shook my head.

"Don't drink coffee anymore, it is tea," he raised an eyebrow in shock maybe, leaning back in my seat "hey, don't judge!" he shook his head; though I saw his lips twitch slightly.

"Not judging." he informed and I almost laughed, but instead looked out the window. Then he changed the music channel and I groaned, my head falling back against my seat.

"Why the hell couldn't your taste have changed? It's been two years, Dimitri; you think that you might have gotten a good music taste in that time." this time he did grin, pulling out of the school.

"This is good music," he informed me and I rolled my eyes.

"No, this is shit. This is nowhere near good music," I pushed a button to change it back and smiled when Ed Sheeran came onto the radio.

"Now this, this is good music," he shook his head and pushed it back. I glared at him and pushed it as well. This went on for a while before each time I went to change the station he'd slap my hand away.

"Dimitri," I whined.

"Rose," he mimicked and I glared at him.

"You suck!" and I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted.

"This is better than TV." and I rolled my eyes but sat up straight, because I'd completely forgotten that they'd been in the car. For a moment everything had been okay. For a moment I was still 17, crushing on a mentor that I shouldn't be. We weren't equals and he hadn't yet hurt me. For a moment I was where I wanted to be but shouldn't.

"This is going to be a long drive." and I sat back with a groan.

It surprisingly didn't take that long, but that could be because I fell asleep. That's right, I woke up to Dimitri shaking me and I groaned, stretching my arms above my head.

"Holy crap, it's already ten in the morning?" I asked eyes wide as I glanced at the clock.

"It's a long drive." Dimitri simply stated and I let out a huff of shock.

"But five hours?" I exclaimed and he simply shrugged.

"I can tell just how eloquent you are." I sarcastically rolled my eyes. He chuckled and we headed towards the shopping centre.

"What are we doing first?" I asked, looking around at the people cautiously. I didn't care if it was day; I think that I've gone through enough to know that the sun meant nothing. There's no safety in numbers and night-time shared its horrors with the day.

"Manicures," Lissa grinned and I nodded "and you're getting one too." she added and I suddenly paused mid-stride.

"No, see that's where you're wrong. I'm working; I can't get a manicure done," I stated, not liking this at all.

"Actually, Rose, that is your job. You are to keep a close eye on Lissa and we also have Christian to back us up, now that Moroi using magic is legal." Dimitri interrupted and I gaped at him.

"It'll get ruined in a day anyway and I'm not paying that much money for a hopeless manicure!" I crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly and Lissa rolled her eyes.

"One, I'm paying, and two, then you can get a pedicure, they're covered and aren't as likely to get ruined. Now hurry up because you're getting it whether you want it or not," she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest, mimicking my stance. I groaned and rolled my eyes. I was doing that a lot lately.

"Cheer up, Rose, it's just a pedicure, how bad can it be?" I glared at Christian.

Torturous. That's how it can be; torturous. I'd rather take on Strigoi any given day than sit back and have people clean my feet for me. Don't get me wrong, it felt good, but sitting next to Lissa in an awkward silence was not. That bit was, well, awkward.

"So uh, you seem to like working at St Basils," she said and I nodded, smiling at her.

"Yeah, it's a lot of fun. I've made some nice friends and I really enjoy it, the students aren't as bad as you'd think they are and I like that I know I can prepare them as much as I can for the outside world." she nodded, smiling at me.

"How about what you are doing? How's the project going?" I asked her and she nodded, her emerald eyes lighting up.

"It's good, it's going really good. Tatiana accepted the project last year, from then it was getting other members of the council to agree and this year we've been going around and introducing it in school. We first had to teach some adults of course, but Christian and Tanya mostly did that. And then they went to school and we're introducing them to as many academies as we can. I think the best thing is finding so many other spirit users." I nodded my head, smiling because I knew just how happy she was about this.

"I'm really happy for you, Lissa." I said sincerely.

"So, how did you meet Father Maars?" Lissa said and I grinned at the memory, almost laughing.

"Oh, I was just some chick who managed to punch a priest in the face." I laughed, shaking my head while she gaped at me.

"You punched him in the face?" she gaped, mouth popping open and I grinned.

"In my defence he asked for it, like actually asked for it. I was sitting at the fountain and this guy ran over squealing, practically shaking from terror and he was just telling me to punch him, I had no idea what the hell he wanted until I saw it," I stopped to laugh slightly "he had a spider on his face, ran into a spider web, and you know my fear of spiders," I shook my head "I didn't really mean to punch, but it was there and it was near me and he was screaming so I just—just punched him. We've been friends ever since." I shrugged and Lissa laughed as well.

"Only you, Rose. Only you." she said, shaking her head and I smirked before a thought popped into my head.

"Hey, Lissa…how's, umm, how's Adrian?" I know that he had been probably the most hurt when I left. He wasn't in the group yelling session because he just left. He didn't want to speak to me, and I haven't since.

"Oh, he's good. He's doing well," I nodded, smiling slightly. In the end I'd been closer to Adrian than Lissa because I couldn't lie to Adrian, and in the end that was what I needed the most.

"What has he been doing?" I asked her and I saw her begin to fidget.

"Well, he's been a great help to the project, he was the main reason Tatiana agreed to it, and uh, and he's engaged now," my eyes opened widely. Wow.

"Wow," I guess I wasn't that eloquent "wow, that's—that's great. Really, that's amazing. I'm so glad he's happy, what's she like?" I asked and Lissa smiled.

"She's really nice; he cleaned up completely for her. He's still the same perverted, wise ass but he's…better, I suppose. She's helped him a lot, and she's uh, she's an alchemist," my eyebrows rose up my forehead because, wow, that's even more of a shock. Alchemists hated us. They thought we were evil, blood sucking, soulless creatures of the night. Or, at least, all the ones I've come into contact with the over the years have been.

Of course Adrian would fall for one.

"Well, as long as they're happy than I'm glad for him," I stated and she smiled.

"You should call him, speak to him, I'm sure he'd be glad to talk to you," I bit my lip before shaking my head.

"No, I really don't think he would be," I smiled at her, though I was upset.

"Well, what do you want to do after this?" I was thankful she changed the subject.

"What about a movie? We are staying at a hotel tonight since it will be too late to drive back so we have time to waste." I suggested and she nodded, shrugging her shoulder.

"Sure, I haven't seen one in ages," I nodded, getting kind of excited. It wasn't often I got to do something 'fun'.

"I know same here." we both smiled widely at each other before falling into an easy conversation. In a way it hurt yet it felt really good to catch up with her. It hurt because I know that she will be leaving soon and I know that the contact probably won't be held. I have my life now and she had hers. That's just the way that it is.

"Rose…why don't you come back to the court with us? Guard me or teach something there?" I looked at her in shock.

"Lissa…" I wasn't sure how to approach it "I'm happy where I am. I don't think I want to go back to the court. It's just," I paused, not sure how to continue, but she smiled at me.

"No, no, I get it, I do understand but you can't blame a girl for trying, can you?" I just smiled at her.

…

"You know I can't buy anything, Lissa. It will be night when we leave, I have to truly work now," she grumbled but understood, seeing the firm look on my face and knowing I wouldn't change my mind.

"Fine." she pouted.

"I'll help you find things though, if you want?" I added and she nodded, grinning again and I chuckled.

"Has your fashion changed much?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Just, not as short for dressed and skirts and such," she stated and I nodded, laughing slightly.

I began to scan through the racks of clothes, Chris unwillingly following behind Lissa, giving comments when she held them up. What a good boy he is.

"You and Lissa seem to be getting on better," Dimitri walked over to me, though his eyes were almost always focused on Lissa. You wouldn't realise it of course, he was doing the 'looking without actually looking'. I knew because I was doing the same thing.

"Yeah, we spoke," I shrugged one shoulder before holding up a top, looking at him questioningly. He shook his head and I nodded.

"Thought so." and I put it back.

"Well, has everything been settled?" he persisted and I smirked at him.

"If you mean are we still on rocky ground then no, we are not, although it got a bit awkward when she asked me to come back and guard her," I stated and he paused, staring at me and I almost felt my heart flip. No, this isn't happening again. My heart does not flip anymore. Not for him.

"What did you say?" I stared at him for a moment, his eyes boring into my own with an almost hopeful look trying to be hidden behind his eyes. I couldn't help but notice just how good he looked. His brown hair was down, falling to his shoulders, he wore a black V-neck, jeans and his duster. His normal, bad ass, cowboy looking clothes.

"That I like where I am now. That I can't just leave everything at St Basils, I have friends and a life there now." I stated and for a moment he looked disappointed.

"Understandable," I smirked at him.

"But not the answer you wanted." I stated and he shrugged.

"What I want doesn't matter, I know that Lissa wants you back, she wants her sister," I rolled my eyes, almost frustrated now.

"Of course you're back to that." I grumbled in slight frustration, holding another top up and despite the coming argument he still nodded, saying he liked the top. I found her size and threw it over my arm.

"Back to what?" he insisted and I sighed.

"Back to the fact that what you want doesn't matter. That dhampir's desires mean crap all!" he raised an eyebrow.

"Don't they?" I turned to face him, having to crane my neck to stare up at him because we were that close.

"No, no they don't. I love my job and I'm dedicated completely to working, but no, dhampir's desires don't mean crap all. We still have feelings, we aren't emotionless robots!" I snapped, staring at him in a way that dared him to say I was wrong. He didn't. But he also didn't get the chance.

"Uh, are we interrupting something?" I looked over to see Christian.

"No" I said the same time Dimitri said "Yes" I rolled my eyes again as Lissa looked between us both.

"What about these?" I asked, holding the two shirts and shorts I'd found out to her. She looked at them, nodding her head eagerly.

"Yeah, I love them!" I smiled at her and then watched as Christian and Lissa walked away to pay for them.

"And that's why I can't guard them!" I snapped and he raised an eyebrow again, crossing his arms across his chest and staring down at me.

"Whys that?" he asked and I looked at him in exasperation.

"Because, you say something and I get annoyed and then we argue, though it's not really an argument, and then I stop focusing on my job and her!" I rambled and then turned, going to turn around when he stopped by grabbing my hand and spinning me around.

"Just—come back, Rose. She misses you," I stared at him and bit my lip.

"Who misses me, Dimitri? Lissa, or you?" I then turned and walked back over to her.

…

You could say that the movie was a tiny bit awkward after that. I was sat between Dimitri and Lissa, Christian beside her. And of course it was Lissa's pick and she chose a romance. I almost groaned, sliding down in my chair and shoving candy into my mouth.

"Oh my god, just fucking kiss!" I exclaimed at one point, throwing my hands up in frustration.

"Rose!" Lissa scolded, loving the movie while I rolled my eyes, Christian and Dimitri looked just as bored as me.

"Not liking the movie?" Dimitri asked, whispering into my ear. I looked at him as if he was insane.

"What the hell do you think?" I asked and he simply chuckled, offering me some M&M's. I grabbed a few and shoved them in my mouth.

"Slow down, the movie still has another hour." he chuckled and I groaned.

"Just put me in a pit full of rabid geese, I'd rather let them slowly pick at my flesh," I whispered back and he chuckled, patting my knee.

"Only you would realise Geese would be the worst way to die." and we both laughed quietly.

…

"Thank fuck that is over," I said as it ended, standing and stretching my arms above my head.

"Rose, language!" Lissa scolded and I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, we'll get something to eat and then leave, we have to be at the hotel by nine." it was five now.

"You can still eat after shoving your face full with candy?" Chris asked and I glared at him.

"No, I'm not eating, but you two need to, so shut up and head towards a restaurant!" I ordered and he rolled his eyes but did as I said.

"Rose, are you okay?" Dimitri asked as we began to walk towards the car. He could see just how tense I was, and now that it was almost eight at night not many people were around. In fact there was practically no one.

I could feel my spider senses tingling, something wasn't right. Not right at all.

"I don't—" and then I felt it. The horrible feeling of throwing up in my gut.

"Strigoi." I hissed and immediately Dimitri and I place Lissa and Christian between us.

I got my stake out, ready to protect them, but when I saw them it was almost too hard. I could feel Dimitri tense completely besides me, his body stilling.

"Rosemarie," the blonde Strigoi looked to Dimitri "and Dimitri. What a nice surprise."

"Nathan," I hissed in anger, the pain of the memories ripping through me. The pain at seeing Dimitri practically dead in my arms. It hurt, the memories were the worst bit.

"You remember me, I'm quite flattered." he grinned.

"Dimitri, get them to the car!" I ordered and felt him finally move.

"I won't leave," he stated and I elbowed him.

"You're their guardian, I'm not, now get them to safety!" I hissed again, seeing Nathan chuckle. I was trying not to outright panic, but it was getting harder and harder the longer I saw the bastard stay calm.

"Be careful, Rose." Dimitri placed a hand on my shoulder before jogging away with Lissa and Christian.

"Bye, Dimitri, I hope to see you again soon," the bastard actually fucking waved.

"Oh, and you too Princess!" he called almost as an afterthought.

Then I was left alone with him. With the bastard that ruined my only ever hope of having happiness in life.


	5. Chapter 5

_Previously: _

_Then I was left alone with him. With the bastard that ruined my only ever hope of having happiness in life._

_._

_._

"What do you want, Nathan?" I asked and he shrugged, walking closer.

"I just wanted to say that my, haven't you become beautiful, not that you weren't before of course. Are you still with Dimitri? You two made such a cute couple," I sucked in a deep breath, trying to control my anger.

"Shut up!" I hissed and he smiled, walking closer so that he was now about a metre away. I kept on my guard, knowing that it was going to happen soon.

"Oh, and look, Dimitri is back," Nathan looked behind me but I didn't turn around.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked Dimitri as he came to stand beside me.

"I'm not letting you fight alone; Christian and Lissa are in a taxi heading to the hotel," I glared at him but then sighed, knowing that I couldn't change his mind. This guy hurt Dimitri and me both.

"Well, it's not really a fight just between us, now is it? Hardly fair, so I hope you don't mind…I brought some…friends," I don't know what disturbed me more. The fact that Dimitri and I now had to fight more Strigoi or that Nathan had planned this.

He knew that they were here, knew that we'd go to the shop, knew that I was with Dimitri and planned to kill us.

I watched as four other Strigoi, probably very experienced, walked out and towards Nathan.

"I bet you're glad I stayed now," Dimitri muttered.

With one last grin, Nathan lunged. My body had been so tightly wound up, waiting, anticipating the fight, that the first move was easy to block it. The other Strigoi quickly joined in on the fight and I was lost in a blur of fists and legs.

I know that I was hit a lot, but I managed to stake two, until it was just Nathan left. I could see that he and Dimitri were fighting and for the moment Dimitri was winning. I couldn't help than to admire the raw strength that he possessed, the fight, the drive.

I could almost remember why he had been worth the risk.

And then I saw it and I felt like crying. I felt like screaming and yelling and pleading. Instead I acted. Instead I jumped in front of him; quickly a cry of pain fell from my lips as the sharp metal dug into my skin, breaking through and creating a burning fire in my right upper shoulder, right where Dimitri's heart would've been.

Dimitri quickly caught me, holding me tightly to his chest as his eyes widen in shock. I faintly heard a mutter of a curse word and then feet hitting the ground faster than it should.

"Shit, that…that fucking hurts." I whimpered.

"Rose, Roza…stay with me!" He kept the tight hold of me, but I could see him looking over and down at my shoulder in worry.

"Dimitri, take it out" I told him and he looked at me.

"I can't, the blood…" I shook my head.

"Well you can't bloody well put me in the car like this. Just…just tie something around it," I kept my eyes shut tight, pain ripping through my shoulder.

I'm happy to say that I've never been stabbed before because it hurt like a fucking bitch.

"Okay, just wait," he shrugged off his duster and I was completely confused, even more so when he took his shirt off, but when he sat me down , kneeling behind me I understood.

"Bite down on my jacket." he said and I did so.

"Ready? On three; one, tw—" and he ripped it out, a pained scream falling from my lips.

"Damn it, I knew you'd do that!" I cried. It was only worst when he somehow tied his shirt around my arm to stop the bleeding. He shrugged his duster back on and quickly picked me up, holding me close to his chest.

I vaguely remembered when he had killed Natalie and he was taking me to the clinic, I remembered thinking that Dimitri holding me like this was great, but it would be better if he wasn't wearing a shirt. It was funny how he was doing that now and I was so out of it I didn't care.

"Roza, you have to stay with me, okay?" I mumbled, my eyes were drooping shut, my body felt like led. I was tired. So, so tired.

"Come on, stay awake!" I felt him put me in the car and then it quickly started. His voice sounded far away, muddled, yet the panic was clear. Slowly his words faded into the background, slurring together, black dots danced in front of my vision until finally my eyes closed and I couldn't hear him anymore.

…

When I woke up I was back at the clinic. For a moment I thought that I was back at St Vladimir's, another injury of the week, and the Doc would come in and tell me that I would need a pass soon, maybe my own room.

But then I knew that it wasn't and for a moment my heart hurt. Lissa walked in, her shoulder length blonde hair so distinctive at this moment. I almost laughed. She wore the shorts that I picked out and the top that Dimitri approved.

"Rose, you're awake!" I nodded my head, glaring at the lights that were blinding me. I went to sit up, only to groan in pain and fall back down.

"Holy fuck that mother fucking cunt is going to mother fucking die!" I hissed through clenched teeth. Lissa shook her head.

"As much as you love to 'enhance' your sentences, I really don't appreciate the language," she scolded and I rolled my eyes, helping myself get up slower than before, much to the chagrin of Lissa.

"Yeah, well, tough tits," I muttered, reaching over to the side table and grabbing the glass of water.

"How long was I out?" I asked and she breathed out heavily, almost in exasperation, sitting in the chair beside the bed.

"Almost a day," I raised my eyebrows in shock but then nodded.

"You scared the heck out of us. Dimitri ran in with you blood covered and he asked me to heal you but every time I went near you, you practically had a fit. It was like you knew when I was coming near and your body was rejecting my magic. In the end he had to sow it and we drove, sped, all the way down here," I frowned.

"I was…rejecting you?" she nodded her head and I frowned.

"Do you know why?" she shook her head.

"None, I was hoping you'd have an idea," I shook my head.

"No." I had a feeling it may be because for two years I had completely rejected Lissa, the bond and the magic and maybe my body had gotten so used to doing it that even in trouble it wouldn't let her help.

"How's Dimitri?" I asked and she frowned.

"He's worried. Really worried. What happened out there? It's like he's taking all the blame on himself," I knew that he would.

"He didn't see the knife, I jumped in front," I shrugged one shoulder and then winced.

"You saved him?" I nodded my head.

"It was aimed for his heart, I couldn't not help him." I stated defensively and Lissa raised her hands.

"Rose, do you still love him?" she whispered quietly and I felt my heart clench.

"I try not to," I whispered back and she looked at me sadly. She, of all people, would understand just how much falling for someone hurt me. She knew that it was never a risk that I took willingly.

"I'm sorry." I simply smiled sadly.

"It's not your fault, not anybody's but mine," she nodded her head but then smiled.

"Well, I should let you rest. I'll come back later to check on you, okay?" I nodded my head before pausing.

"Hey, can you tell Dean to come and see me?" she looked at me in confusion.

"Who?"

"Oh, uh, Father Maars. He most likely won't be in the church, so try the kitchen and cafeteria, he's always eating." she laughed and nodded her head.

"Sure." I smiled and thanked her as she left.

It didn't take long for Dean to come visit me.

"I love you." I groaned when he held up the tub of ice cream and two spoons.

"Come sit near me," I grinned, crossing my legs so that he could sit in front of me. He chuckled.

"I thought that we needed a gossip sesh. So, speak to me," I rolled my eyes as he shoved a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. He acted like a damn pre-teen girl.

"What are you, a fifteen year old girl?" I muttered and he chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

"Says the girl shoving her face with ice cream," I grinned, eating another bit of vanilla ice cream.

"Well, what do you want to know?" I asked and he shrugged.

"You always avoid talking about him, I want to know everything." I frowned but sighed.

"Well, most people know the beginning, he dragged Lissa and I back to the Academy, he was forced into becoming my mentor and very slowly, when I began to trust him, I developed a school girl crush. I thought it would go away but it didn't. It got stronger and, and I pursued it," this was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I had avoided this conversation for so long that it hurt to be remembering it.

He grabbed my hand and I continued "I knew that it was wrong, and he fought it for so long. When Lissa was being stalked I suppose, someone was leaving dead animals in her belongings and she began to cut herself, she was falling apart and so was I, but I was trying not to. Not to mention there was this little bitch, Mia, who despised us and was spreading rumours, trying to take us down. It was working really well. Dimitri and I were getting closer, but he was still denying any feelings. Until the moment that Lissa was kidnapped. The guy who kidnapped her was her uncle, and we trusted him. He bought me this necklace that had a charm on it," I looked at him "a lust charm." and his eyes widened.

"Oh, wow." I nodded my head.

"Yeah, Viktor, the bastard, knew that Dimitri and I had a thing for each other, he put the spell on the necklace knowing that the bond I had with Lissa would clue me into her kidnapping. He knew I'd go to Dimitri. When I saw him I lost my mind, when he touched me he lost his. Before anything could actually happen he worked it out and threw the necklace out the window. We tracked Lissa down and everything was set, Viktor was arrested and placed in the academy holding cell. He had a daughter that went to the academy, would do anything for him. Even go Strigoi." I heard him gasp and smiled wryly at him.

"I was visiting Viktor when she showed up, almost killed me actually, if Dimitri hadn't come and saved me. He killed her, but Viktor got away. Anyway, that day Dimitri admitted the feelings he had for me and it went on from there. A few months later there were threats to the academy, families were being killed and I was the one that found Author Schoenberg's body. This made Kirova, the headmistress, take us to a ski lodge for the holidays. There we found out that Mia's mum died due to a Strigoi attack, she was a maid for one of the families. I had an argument with Dimitri, he was denying it all again, saying we couldn't be together, but he told me where a group of Strigoi were hiding, or may be hiding. I had a friend named Mason, he liked me, but I didn't necessarily like him like that. I wanted to hurt Dimitri and I and…things got heated between Mason and me but I stopped them. It hurt him and he stormed out, but I'd made a mistake. I'd told him where the Strigoi may be hiding," I sighed and Dean looked at me sadly.

"Mason, Eddie and Mia left to look for them; I went with Chris to find them. We found them, got kidnapped and were held for three days. We killed the humans that were working for them and almost escaped. The two Strigoi that held us were blocking the path. I'd never seen a Strigoi up close but I told the others to run and don't look back. I was ready to die for them, but in the end Mason came back. His feelings for me got in the way and he, he came back. He didn't even have time to do anything, they just snapped his neck and threw him down like he was nothing," I felt my throat close and looked at the ground. I was talking a lot, but he wanted to know.

In a way I was glad to get it off my chest, no matter how much it hurt.

"Mia was a Moroi with water as her element. She broke a tank that was nearby and made a sphere around the males head, I grabbed two swords that hung on the wall and hacked their heads off. I was later found holding Mason's body." Dean moved so that he sat beside me, placing an arm over my shoulder.

"Later there was an attack on the school, as almost everybody knows, but I knew that it was happening. I was seeing Mason, his ghost, and before you think that I'm crazy it's because of the bond. I'm close to death, the closer that I get the more I see the dead. But only when the wards aren't around me. So, when I started seeing Mason it was a warning. The wards were failing. They were failing due to the fact that a group of fucking idiots had created a group called Mana, have you ever heard of it?" he nodded his head.

"Yeah, there was one here before we ended it." I nodded.

"Yeah, they were sweeping through academies, only the ones at our school were doing it by the border, the magic was cancelling out the wards until they were failing. The guy wanted Lissa to join and they began to torture her. It was—" I shook my head "it was torturous. I felt it through the bond and I began to run to her. When I got there though, Lissa had been overcome by something called darkness. It's pure evil, it changes you. She was making the boys see things, their worst fears by using compulsion. Having a bond I can take that darkness away and I did, that only made it transfer into me and I tried to kill a Moroi. By then Dimitri got to us and tried to stop me, he ended up having to carry me away and into a cabin, an old guarding post. There he calmed me down, and there we uh, truly gave into our feelings, if you know what I mean," I felt my cheeks redden and he stilled.

"Naughty girl," he chuckled and I did as well, nodding my head.

"Unfortunately it didn't last. When we came out of the cabin we had it planned. I'd guard Lissa, he'd guard Christian and we'd make it work, but we didn't. We were attacked inside the school. The school was attacked, heaps of people died. Christian and I teamed up, he used fire and I fought like hell. We made an amazing team, the best actually. When the fight was over we planned to catch back the students and teachers that were kidnapped. I was one of the people that fought. It was in the caves and many people died. Many people. We were leaving when I noticed Dimitri wasn't there, I asked my mum and she said that he was stuck inside. A Strigoi managed to jump attack them and she didn't see him leave. I ran back in to save him. Nathan, someone who we saw at the academy had bitten him. I staked him but couldn't kill him, I grabbed Dimitri and ran. We continued on with school but Dimitri said he never wanted to see me again. It wouldn't work. He didn't want to be with me." I shrugged and Dean hugged me tight.

"That was really long, sorry for rambling on," I said and he shook his head.

"I didn't know…I really hate him right now." I raised an eyebrow.

"Why?" he looked at me as if I was stupid.

"He hurt you. You saved his life and he gave you up. People don't give up girls like you, they hold on as tight as they fucking can because they know how good you are," I smiled at him, tears springing into my eyes.

"You're too nice," I said and he shrugged, passing me the now soft ice cream.

"Eat, it'll make you feel better," I laughed, already feeling a bit better.

"I've never spoken to somebody like that, I haven't told anybody the whole story, except for Adrian but he kind of hates me now, so," I shrugged before shovelling more ice cream into my mouth.

"You can always speak to me" he smiled, kissing my forehead and I grinned at him, mouth full of ice cream. His nose crinkled.

"Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous," and I laughed at his sarcasm. I loved that Dean could always make me smile, no matter how shit I feel.

"No being mean to the injured girl." I stated, wiping some ice cream on his cheek. He laughed, wiping some on mine and I laughed as well, wiping it off as there was a knock on the door.

"I can come back later if you're busy," there was an awkward tension suddenly as Dean sat up straighter.

"I'm, uh, I'm just going to go and…yeah," I rolled my eyes at Dean as I placed the ice cream on the table, wincing in pain as I did so.

"Yeah, smooth, real smooth, Dean!" I called and he chuckled, leaving the room quickly.

"Hi," I said awkwardly, staring at him. He smiled at me awkwardly, shuffling in and shutting the door behind him.

"You saved me again," he stated straight out and I felt my heart stutter, shrugging but then wincing.

"I guess." I whispered and he shook his head.

"I don't know what to say to you. Thank you, I guess," he said, sitting on the chair beside the bed and I sighed.

"Don't thank me. He would've killed you and I couldn't let that happen." Dimitri looked at me.

"You almost did die, Rose. That…you have no idea how sorry I am," I shook my head, staring at him firmly. I knew how guilty he felt about this, how much he thought it was his fault.

"Stop it." I snapped and he looked at me in confusion.

"You think it's your fault but it isn't. It's that fucking bastards Nathan. It's his fault. He is twisted. It's not your fault because I know that you would've done the same for me. Don't feel guilty, Dimitri. I'm glad I did it, I don't know what I would've done had he hurt you," I told him, grabbing the hand he had placed on the bed. He stared at me deeply.

"What can I do to make it up to you? You have saved my life twice, Roza. If it wasn't for you I would be dead, either two years ago or last night," he stated and I shook my head.

"I don't want you to make it up to me. You've saved my life so many times, Dimitri. Not just from Natalie or by training me, you've saved me from myself. By forcing me to trust you, by letting me fall for you, by being there when no one else was…if you hadn't let me do those things, Dimitri, I know that I'd be a different girl than I am today." Dimitri glanced down for a moment.

"What? Just spit it out, Dimitri" he looked up at me and sighed.

"I hurt you." it was a statement, as if he was finally accepting it himself, admitting it.

"You did, I won't deny it," he shook his head.

"I shouldn't have, I should never have hurt you, it was wrong of me to," I shook my head.

"No, it was probably the best. Even if I didn't see it at the time I know that it was the best. I've made a life for me, I know how to be independent and how to be strong, and as much as I don't want to admit it I wasn't back then. And in the end I really have to repay you. Because of me your reputation was tarnished. I don't care about mine, everyone knew that I was the bag girl, hell mine was ruined from the beginning, but I hurt yours," Dimitri waved it away, shaking his head.

"I don't care about my reputation, it was stupid to care about it from the beginning anyway. You've helped me realise that sometimes they shouldn't come first, sometimes we should," I felt a smile pull up my lips, probably one of the widest I'd smiled in a while.

"Do you know how much I'd give to have heard you say that two years ago?" Dimitri nodded.

"I wish I had. I made such a mistake two years ago, Roza. I made a mistake and I want to take it back," I frowned.

"Which mistake was it, Dimitri? Falling for me, or hurting me?" I asked and he squeezed my hand.

"Hurting you. Always hurting you." and his eyes glanced down at the bandage wrapped around my shoulder.

"It's not an easy mistake to take back, Dimitri," I whispered as he leant forward, staring in my eyes. I was worried that my heart was beating so hard he could hear it, worried that he was about to do what I thought he was, but worried that he wouldn't. I was worried that I was the only one still feeling the things I was, but then worried that I wasn't.

"Can I try?" he whispered and I stared at him before nodding my head. He began to lean forward and I did as well, and very slowly our lips met. I felt…I don't know. It was my hope. Something I'd wanted back for two years, like that dream that you'd always wanted to come true but knew that it never would.

It was everything that I'd imagined and more, even though I knew how cheesy that sounded. Our lips moved together as if there had been no break the last two years. As if we had never ended.


	6. Chapter 6

"You've been avoiding him." I rolled my eyes as Lissa helped me into my room.

"I have not been avoiding him," I stated as I grabbed my bag, wincing as it pulled on the stitches in my shoulder.

"Right, just not talking to him, feigning being asleep when he comes into the room, and telling people you feel sick when he asks to see you…right, not avoiding at all," Lissa finished with heavy sarcasm. I scoffed, denying everything before frowning at the vase of flowers on my side table.

"Who are these from?" Lissa shrugged at my question, pushing me to lie back down on the bed. My body is still rejecting the healing, no matter how much I want it to work. I'm trying to work my body back into accepting the bond after two years, but I still get thumping headaches, as if this is the first time I've ever used it. Slowly I'm working towards it, and my reaction to healing isn't as bad, but it's not good either.

"Don't avoid the question. Why haven't you spoken to him? He's worried, Rose. You two kissed. He's worried that means nothing to you." I looked at her shocked. Are you kidding me?

"Are you fucking joking? Lissa he broke me! He told me I was nothing, he told me that he never wanted me again, that I was just a child, and yeah I understood but that still fucking hurt me. How can you sit there and say that the kiss meant nothing to me when I'm the one that has loved him from the beginning and I've never denied it!" Lissa sighed, placing her hand on my arm.

"I know you love him, so why are you avoiding him?" I groaned and leant my head back.

"Lissa, it wouldn't work anymore. We have two different lives. I'm not willing to leave mine here, I know he won't leave you and I don't want him to. It can't happen." I told her and she nodded, understanding I didn't want to talk anymore.

"Here, these flowers have a card, maybe they can cheer you up," she said, handing me a tiny white card. I rolled my eyes, ripping the envelope with my teeth and pulling the slip of paper out. I frowned, there was a musky, yet sweet sent that seemed too familiar.

"Who's it from?" Lissa asked, her voice was blocked out though. My heart stopped, my stomach dropped and I felt my mind just run. It's that moment of panic when you have no idea what to do, because so much is running through your mind.

"Rose?" I heard Lissa ask but I couldn't look away from the note. In a messy, black scrawl was written;

'I'm glad you're okay, I'll be seeing you and your boyfriend soon, Rose, Love N'.

"Find Dimitri, now!" was the only panicked screech that left my mouth.

…

"So what do you think it means?" Chris, Lissa, Dimitri, Eddie and I all sat at a table in the cafeteria, although Lissa was annoyed at this. It turns out that in my panic I got up too fast and ripped the stitches in my shoulder, which hurt like a bitch but they said it would've hurt more had I not been in shock.

"It means he isn't giving up," Chris said, but I didn't speak. I looked solely at the white slip of paper in the centre of the table.

"Are you okay?" Dimitri asked me, knocking me out of my stupor.

"Am I okay?" I looked at him as if he was insane.

"I've been stabbed in the shoulder by the one bastard who has come closer than anyone ever at destroying my life, and now he's truly going to try to take not only me, but you down, and probably whoever gets in the way. No, no, I'm not alright!" I snapped, I felt bad about it but I was upset. I was scared, and I didn't want anyone to know.

I wasn't sure who I was scared for more. Myself, Dimitri or any poor bystander that got in the way. Nathan wasn't finished with me, and he sure as hell won't stop until one of us has been killed, or worst, turned.

I stood up, my chair scraping back as I ran a hand through my hair.

"I need some air." I needed to go speak to someone.

I headed out, leaving them gaping at me. I headed straight to the office, to the head of security.

"Guardian Mazur, sit down," I nodded, smiling as I did so, sitting on the chairs in front of her desk.

"Guardian Romero, I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she shook her head, waving her hand.

"Of course not, how's your shoulder? It's not common for a Strigoi to carry a knife," I frowned.

It's not common is it? "I'm as well as I can be." I smiled at her again.

"So why did you need to see me? Is it about your classes, because I've already dealt with someone to step in until you're healed." she asked, leaning back in her chair and I bit my lip.

"You know about my history with the Strigoi, don't you?" she nodded her head.

"Yes, Guardian Belikov informed me of it after the attack, what do you need?"

"I got a note with some flowers today. I'm not sure when they were delivered but I only just got out of the clinic so I only just found them. The note…it was from Nathan," she sat forward again, hands clasped on top of the desk in interest.

"The Strigoi?"

I nodded "he said that he can't wait to see me and Dimitri, he knew that I was better. He also knew where to attack us and when. He knew Dimitri was with me as well, that can't be a coincidence," her face showed shock.

"You think that there's a snitch." I nodded again.

"I don't want to say it but it wouldn't be the first time that somebody close has betrayed me. I know that people work with Strigoi; and Nathan, I know, has a lot of pull in this world, he could even be forcing someone to work with him," she nodded, running a hand down her face.

"You could be right. I'll do a back ground check on anybody working here, would you like to help me?" I nodded before pausing, biting my lip.

"It could also be a student though; a parent could be the snitch and may be getting information through them," she nodded again.

"We will start tomorrow; I want you to rest today, take a load off and forget about it, okay? I want you to get better." I nodded my head.

"Okay, but could you do me a favour and redo the wards? I don't want another attack like St Vladimir's." she nodded her head, smiling at me.

"It will be done the latest by tomorrow," I smiled, nodding my thanks.

"Okay, thank you very much for this Guardian Romero." she nodded, shaking my hand before dismissing me.

"No problem."

…

"Rose!" I smiled at Dean as he walked up to me, looking concerned.

"What's up?"

"I heard you pulled your stitches out, what's wrong?" I waved it off.

"I'm fine, just got a shock is all, I'm getting some food, come with?" he nodded his head.

"You know I'm not one to turn down food." he grinned and I smiled back.

"So, spit it out, what happened?" I sighed.

"How do you always know when something is wrong?" I asked and he chuckled, wrapping an arm around my waist.

"Easy, you get this crinkle in your nose and your eyes always dart around, as if you're scared people can read your mind." I rolled my eyes, he reads me just as well as Dimitri did.

"I hate that you can read me so well," he smirked at me.

"I love it, I can annoy you easier," I just rolled my eyes again; hitting his stomach and making him laugh as he rubbed the spot.

"Rose." I paused as we passed Lissa's table.

"Yeah?"

"You went and spoke to Father Maars then?" she asked instead, looking up from her table that we were passing.

"Uh, yeah, I spoke to him," I felt his hand tighten on my hip in question, knowing that I was now hiding something.

"Oh, are you getting something to eat?" I nodded.

"Yeah, and then I might get some sleep, I'm not feeling too well," she nodded, so I gave one last smile to the others, told them good night and then left.

"Okay, now I know that something is wrong, don't change the subject now, tell me what you're hiding," I rolled my eyes.

"Somebody is working for Nathan in here." he looked at me in complete shock.

"How—are you sure? I mean, I've known all these people for a long time, I couldn't imagine that they would do something like that." I smiled sadly at him.

"I know, however it could also be a student. I don't want to believe it either but it wouldn't be the first time that someone's betrayed me," he nodded, looking sad as he grabbed a tray and began piling food onto it, knowing what I like.

"Grab lots of donuts," I pointed and he chuckled.

"Live while we're young, right?" I nodded my head at him.

"You know how I be," and then I did a lousy gangster pose and he chuckled.

"You are the biggest freak I've ever met." he teased and I shrugged, grabbing a donut as he picked the tray up.

"That's why you love me," and I took a big bite, making him shake his head at me.

"Well, you definitely make life interesting."

…

"You finally finished eating?" he asked as I finished my fourth, and last, donut. I nodded my head, rubbing my stomach.

"Well, what do you expect? I can't train so I might as well eat," he just shook his head again.

"Okay, let's get you to your room before you eat the table too," I nodded and he helped me up before wrapping an arm around my waist again.

"I can walk by myself!" I stated but then stumbled and he chuckled.

"Shut up and walk." he demanded.

"Yes sir!" and I leant my head against his shoulder.

"I'm tired, Dean," I whined.

"I know, I can pick you up if you want?" he offered but I just shook my head.

"Nope, I can walk, promise." I slurred and he chuckled, nodding.

When he got me up to my room he helped me into bed, pulling my shoes off for me.

"Come sit." I patted beside me and he smiled for a second before doing so, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked and I sighed.

"Lissa thinks that I'm being a bitch to Dimitri," my eyes were closed, my head resting on his chest. I felt him sigh, his chest rising.

"Ahh, about him again. You haven't spoken to him since the kiss, so you kind of are." I growled.

"I can't be with him, Dean. It hurts, but I can't be with him!"

"Why not?"

"He broke me once, he can do it again," I felt my chest clench, but I was slowly being taken under by sleep, my mind beginning to shut down.

"Just because he broke you doesn't mean that you shouldn't risk it…go to sleep, Rose," he whispered.

"Stay with me? I don't want to be alone if someone's working with them." I felt him nod before his hand began to softly stroke my hair and I smiled slightly.

"Goodnight, Rose." I didn't get to say anything back because I was already asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm so sorry that this took me so long to post! I hate to give excuses but this may happen a little bit more. I've just started grade 12 so I'm going to be busy for a while, but I promise it won't be as late as this has been. **

**SEQUEL. **

**Do you want another one? I've just finished writing this story, but I want to know if I should start writing a second one. If so just comment. **

**Thank you!**

**.**

**.**

"Rose, everything will be okay." Lissa held my hand, gently rubbing my back as I slowly deteriorated thought by thought.

It has been four weeks since the first note and since then my shoulder has healed and I'd begun working, but quickly my sanity has been disappearing. Why? Nathan has been sending more notes, slowly getting worst and more dangerous. By now there are about eight notes, each one stating things that I've done, things that he shouldn't know, threatening people I love and care for.

"Rose." she insisted, my eyes not leaving the slips of white paper on the table.

"Where are my parents?" when the fourth note came in, threatening my parents and hinting at their exact location, I called my mum and father, who I did keep in touch with, and ordered them to come down.

Mum had become a guardian for my father after they got close at the graduation. They were on holiday, travelling, when I caught up with them. They weren't happy to cut their holiday short but when I explained the situation they understood.

"They should be here soon; when I spoke to them they were fifteen minutes away." Dimitri sat beside me, holding my hand and right now was one of the only reasons I was still holding on. I was struggling, but having my sister and the one guy that I loved sitting on my sides truly helped me right now.

I didn't reply to Dimitri, my eyes had not moved from their position on the slips of paper. Eddie, Dean and Christian sat on the other side of the table, staring at me worriedly. Staring at me as the once strong, independent girl they knew broke. I was lost. Who was betraying me? Who was going to hurt my family?

Will someone die again? Like Mason, like when I couldn't save him. Will it be Dean, Christian, Eddie, Lissa, Dimitri? Will it be my parents this time? Will it be me? Will it be my fault like before?

"Kiz?" for the first time in about an hour my eyes moved, shooting up to the space behind Eddie. A whimper left my throat, my chair was thrown back and faster than anybody saw I was sprinting for my father, throwing my arms around the older man as tears finally escaped, crawling down my cheeks.

"Oh, Kiz." he whispered, kissing my forehead.

"You're not hurt, you're safe!" I whimpered again, because despite knowing that it was irrational I was terrified that my father and mother had been hurt. Despite being that tough teenager who believed she never needed her parents, she had changed and grown up. She became close to her parents and realised just what having someone there meant.

"Of course I'm safe, no one can keep me away from you." I sniffed and smiled.

"Rose." I felt a hand on my shoulder and quickly shifted so that I was now embracing my mother instead.

"It will be okay, I promise." and she gave me the comfort that only a mother could.

"Have you eaten? You look thin." she pulled away with a frown and I shrugged.

No, I hadn't been eating too much. Worry had been weighing me down so much that it was the last thing on my mind. I felt sick every time food was even mentioned. I think this was one of the main worries that the others had. I was never too sick, scared or upset to not eat. Food had practically been my life.

"Come on, let's get some food in you and then we'll talk about how to handle the situation." Dad wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I could only nod, following him like a lost puppy.

…

"Maybe we should go find him? Attack him head on, he won't expect it," Christian offered but I shook my head, much to the shock of the others.

"No, he has a spy here, not only will he know he's probably got an army and allies. Too much death, too much fighting and too much risk of losing you guys, I won't allow it."

"I think, first, we need to see who he is going to try and use against us right now. He's unpredictable, I mean, everyone that I know is at Court, under wards, but there has to be more," I frowned for a moment "Dimitri, your family live in a commune, they don't have wards there. Call them, tell them to get to Court, I'll pay for their flight tickets if I have to. Christian, call Tanya, get her to the Court as well. I know that she can handle herself but I don't want to take the chance." he nodded and got out his phone.

"Why protect them? Nathan is after you, why worry about them?" I stared at Dean for a moment, wondering how he hadn't caught on.

"Yeah, he's after me, and what better way than to get me than to take someone I love? Someone I'm willing to fight for?" he frowned again.

"You've never met Guardian Belikov's family, why hide them?" I glanced over at Dimitri, seeing him staring at me questionably as well.

"Because Dimitri will go after them and I'd go after Dimitri." and then I looked back down at the notepad I was scribbling on before I felt my throat choke up.

"Is, um, is Adrian…is he at Court?" the table went silent for a moment, everyone except Dean, who looked confused, went tense.

"I don't know I'll call him for you, Rose." I nodded, thanking Lissa.

"I think…I think that's all for the moment, we're under the wards right now so we're safe…I might go for a walk."

"Rose, is that wise?" I looked over at dad.

"It's safe, we're under the wards." I pointed out in confusion. He looked at me as if I was stupid. Right now it was highly likely, though I didn't appreciate it. Although, it was times like these, when he makes those types of expressions, that make me realise just how alike we really are.

"I was more talking about your state of mind right now. I don't want you to do anything stupid," I gave him a fake grin and shrugged my shoulder.

"I always do something stupid, but I promise I won't today." I added the last bit after I noticed the look on his face.

My father tended to remind me of a bear. He's intimidating and strong, and if you go after his kid or his food, he will attack without hesitation.

…

I wasn't sure where I was walking. Nowhere yet somewhere at the same time. It wasn't until I had arms wrapped around my waist that I realised where I'd gone.

"Roza, I haven't seen you in ages, are you okay?" I looked down at Paul, my mind flashing back to the thoughts of Dimitri. What would he have been like at this age? For some reason I imagine him being a down right, little shit. I grinned at that thought.

"I'm fine, Paul, just been busy." he looked me over after letting go of me.

"You're skinnier than before. Are you eating? Ma says that you need to eat a lot to be healthy, your greens as well, even though they taste bad. Are you eating your greens?" his head tilted to the side, the brown shoulder length hair he refused to cut falling into his face. It was one of the most adorable things I've seen. Paul had that effect on people though.

"I haven't been, but I promise to start again." he grinned.

"Paul, come play soccer with us!" I heard some of his friends call. It must be lunch, or they had a break.

"Roza, come play with us?" I bit my lip as I looked down at him before shrugging.

"Why not? I don't have anything to do." he grinned widely, showing those two dimples that I found adorable on him. The two dimples that Dimitri got, but you rarely saw since he never smiled wide enough.

…

"You look like you're having fun." I looked up, slightly shocked to see Dimitri there. I smiled at him and nodded.

"I haven't been able to just have fun for a while, it feels nice," I said as we looked at the kids as they kicked the ball around. It was around that moment that they were called back into class and Paul pouted, running over and hugging me, saying a quick hello to his uncle and giving him a hug and running away.

"Now, I know you didn't come and find me because you felt like it, so what's up?" I asked, turning to look at him.

"We haven't spoken lately," he said and I sighed, knowing that this was coming. You have to admit though, I'm good. It's been five weeks and I've been able to put it off. Although, being an emotional wreck during that time helps as well.

"No, no we haven't." I sighed, motioning that we should walk and he nodded.

"Why did you avoid me?" he shot straight off the bat.

"Wow, no beating around the bush either," I stated before sighing "because it won't work Dimitri. Us…it just won't work. I've got a job here; you've got a job with her. I can't give you the family you want or the lifestyle. I will never be that happy little wife, waiting for you to get home with a meal on the table and a kid on my hip. There will never be a puppy or a perfectly clean house or a white picket fence. There will only ever be late nights, long hours and work. That's all that I can give, Dimitri, and that isn't what you deserve." we'd stopped and he was staring at me with something akin to shock.

"I don't want that lifestyle. All I want is what you can give me," I shook my head, smiling at the ground in pain.

"We both know that's a lie. We both know that's the family you want and the family I can't give." Dimitri shook his head, as if denying it.

"If I can't have you then I can forget about that," he insisted.

This really wasn't the Dimitri I once knew. He was different, acted different, spoke different. He acted more like he did with Tanya, and I felt because our relationship isn't forbidden now he isn't stopping this.

"You won't forget about it Dimitri. You will never forget about it. I won't be the girl that destroyed your dreams, no matter how much it breaks me in the meantime."

And then I turned and walked away.

Really though, I wondered in the back of my mind who's dreams they truly were. His? Or mine?


	8. Chapter 8

**Two chapters in one night. After the long absence, you all deserve it. **

**.**

"You want me to what?" I asked in shock.

"To go to Court." I stared at the head of security in shock.

"Has someone used compulsion on you? There is no way that I'm going back!" I snapped probably a lot harsher than necessary, especially to my boss.

"You can and you will. You are going to court where you can protect your family better and with more security. Rose, you've worked for me for a long time, and I saw you go through the motions looking completely lost every day. It wasn't until the Princess, Ozera and their guardians came that I truly saw that spark in your eye. I saw the girl that was rumoured to be amazing. Now that I've seen her, I don't want her to be lost again. So you will go and you will sort this out, do you understand me?" Guardian Romero sucked in a breath and I sighed, nodding my head.

"Fine." because what else could I say after that speech? She was right; I had been going through the motions. Did I think that she, of all people, would notice? Hell no. However, when you're as good as a guardian as she is it is understandable.

"Good, you will be leaving with the others, including your family and guardian Belikov's I believe, tonight." I sighed, nodding and standing.

"Thank you." I said to her and she grinned at me before motioning me out of her office. I grinned back.

…

"Everything packed?" I nodded towards dad.

"Yup, everyone here?" I said, popping the 'p' on 'yup'.

"And they are on the jet, now say goodbye." I rolled my eyes at my dad before walking over to Dean and pulling him into an extremely tight hug.

"It's not goodbye forever you know," I nodded, trying not to cry.

"Did you just…are you crying?" he asked after hearing me sniffle.

"No and I hate you." he chuckled, rubbing my back.

"Rose, I'll call you all the time, you'll be fine." he said and I nodded, my head resting in the crook of his neck.

"But it won't be the same. You're always there for me now, with a tub of ice cream and chick flick movie if I'm upset. Who's going to do that now?" a tear fell down my cheek and he pulled back, wiping it away.

"You'll be fine and we'll just have to eat ice cream loudly through the phone to get the full effect of you eating in my ear." he made me laugh, one of the only people that could lately.

"Okay. I love you, bro." he chuckled again, hugging me tightly for a moment before pushing me towards the door. I rolled my eyes, waving again before getting settled on the plane.

"You okay, Rose?" Lissa asked and I nodded as I sat behind her.

"You two are really close, aren't you?" Christian asked and I nodded, waving out the window at Dean who stood smiling at me, waving as well.

"He's my best friend, my brother, he's practically my everything," my dad sighed, seeing I was upset and came to sit beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder he rested my head on his chest.

"Go to sleep before your head begins to hurt too badly." I nodded, snuggling into him and feeling safe in his arms. I kind of wished that I was just a kid again, that he was there to hug me when I was scared and kiss my elbow better when I scraped it, but that isn't real. In this life, that's barely ever real. I just had to deal with that.

…

"Rose, wake up, we're here." I was shaken awake by my father and I groaned blearily, my head pounding slightly from being around no wards up so high. I wondered idly why it was never like this when I went to the shops but when I was in a plane. The thought didn't stay for too long.

"Okay." I whispered, running a hand through my hair. When I stood up I had to adjust my jeans before they fell and I saw my father look at me worriedly.

"You need to eat more." he said firmly and I nodded.

"I will, promise." I knew that it was unlikely though. Whenever I ate lately I just felt sick, so I never bothered.

"Tatiana wants to see us." Lissa said as she walked over. I nodded my head, biting my lip as we walked down the plane.

I pulled my duffle bag over my shoulder and headed off the plane before I paused in shock.

"Hi, Rose." he gave me an almost sad, half-assed smile.

"Uh, hi, Adrian." I knew that the others had paused.

"How are you?" he asked and I bit my lip, stepping forward to move out of the way of those exiting the plane.

"I've been better, how about you?" he nodded.

"I've been better." it was silent after a while before he sighed.

"I can't stand this." he muttered before grabbing my arm and pulling me into a hug. I couldn't help but smile, my eyes welling with tears as I hugged him back.

"I missed you, Rose." I sniffled.

"I missed you too, Adrian." he chuckled as he pulled away, smirking at the tears in my eyes.

"Aren't you a softie now?" I rolled my eyes; punching him in the arm and making him wince, rubbing it.

"I'm still not taking it back." he joked and I laughed, picking my bag back up.

"I'll walk with you." he grinned and I nodded.

"So I heard you bagged a woman. Should I feel sorry for her?" I teased and he smiled and I kind of loved the look in his eyes. It wasn't like when I knew him, it wasn't this loneliness hidden behind sarcasm. He was happy.

"You should probably feel a little sorry for her." he chuckled and I grinned. I'd forgotten how much I loved just talking to Adrian.

"Is there a guy I should feel sorry for?" he nudged me with his elbow and I laughed but shook my head.

"No, no guy. Best friend, but no guy." Adrian raised an eyebrow.

"Tell me about this friend of yours." he demanded and I smiled, thinking about Dean.

"His name is Dean; he's the Father at the Academy. He's terrible at being a priest, practically never in the church, only does mass when he absolutely has to and I'm pretty sure he believes that whole celibate rule was a joke." I rolled my eyes, laughing at him.

"You two sound close." Adrian said and I nodded, glancing up at him and smiling.

"We are." Adrian chuckled, throwing his arm over my shoulder before looking over me.

"Don't even comment." I said when I noticed him frowning at my weight.

"Wasn't going to say a thing." I rolled my eyes and looked at him as if he was insane.

"You do realise I'm not an idiot, right? You always say something." he looked as if he was thinking for a moment before nodding.

"True." and we laughed before we entered Tatiana's office.

I bowed my head respectfully to her.

"Hello, Queen Tatiana." she seemed almost shocked before she smiled, motioning for me and Lissa to sit in the chairs before her desk.

"Hello, Guardian Hathaway. Princess Dragomir, how did your task go?" Lissa nodded her head, smiling kindly at the Queen.

"It went well, the kids took quite easily to the teachings and they seemed to enjoy the fact that they could protect themselves." Queen Tatiana smiled and nodded and I vaguely wondered if she had had compulsion used on her about this topic. She had been highly against the idea of Moroi using magic, yet she seems to be accepting it so easily.

"And, Rose, how are you?" she looked me over and if I hadn't noticed her lips twitch into a frown before straightening, I never would have believed that she was concerned for me.

"I'm," I thought for my words "as well as I can be at this moment." I supplied instead. She smiled in understanding.

"Well, after talking with your parents on the phone," she glanced behind me to my parents, worry flickering into her eyes, leaving me confused "we've decided on something you probably won't like," I frowned.

Worry was an understatement.

"We've decided that, with this threat…you yourself need to be guarded," she paused as a sound of protest left my lips, holding up her hand "we don't know who the snitch is or if there is one here. You cannot be left alone with this danger present, as the rest won't be.

You will be staying in the same housing as the Belikov's under Dimitri's protection."


	9. Chapter 9

Another, louder, sound of protest left my lips.

"What? No, no way! I'm fine by myself, why can't I stay with my parents? The housing can't be big enough for that large of a family and me, and Mum and Dad will have more room!" I protested, panic twisting my stomach.

She wants me to fucking stay with Dimitri? Was she trying to fucking kill me? I hadn't spoken to him since our last conversation, and that wasn't exactly left on a good note.

"She can stay with me and Sydney, if she wishes," Adrian looked at me, studying not me but my aura and understanding. It seemed that Lissa hadn't perfected the aura reading technique yet, which I was more than thankful for. I already had Dean, Dimitri and Adrian who could read me too well, I didn't need her to.

"No, Adrian, it's been decided. You won't be able to protect her as well as Guardian Belikov, and I believe his sister has also graduated. It will be the best for her. Besides, her parents will be living with Princess Dragomir, Ozera and Guardian Castile. Arrangements have been made; there will be no changing them." With that she waved her hand and we were all dismissed. I frowned, glancing once at Dimitri I quickly left the room, not wanting to be in his presence at all.

"Rose!" I paused, running my hand through my hair in aggravation before smiling at Adrian. None of this was his fault. In fact, he was probably the only one I didn't mind being around right now.

"Come on, let's go catch up. I know a great café," he hooked his elbow in mine and steered me in that direction.

"Besides, you need to eat more." I frowned, rolling my eyes at him.

"I thought that you wouldn't comment on it." I pointed out and he just chuckled at me.

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't say something." I nodded in agreement.

Twenty minutes later and we were sitting in a quaint café, Adrian teasing me about my tea choice, something along the lines of 'you've gone weak on me, Rosie, are you sure I'm older than you?' I simply laughed it off.

"So…spill," he leant forward, elbow on table and head on hand as he stared at me.

"Spill what?" though I had an idea.

"What's happened between you and Dimitri?" I bit my lip.

"Nothing, nothing at all." he knew I was lying though; you can't lie to someone who read auras. It was the one thing I hated yet loved about him.

"Please," he scoffed "you and Dimitri's auras were going absolutely insane in there. Not to mention everyone else's. That obviously means something big happened between you two that everyone else also knows about, so, I repeat, spill." And then I groaned, my forehead hitting the table.

"Ow," I whimpered, though I didn't move "I fucked everything up!" I whined.

"Now, now," Adrian chuckled "I'm sure Dimitri helped a little." I glared at up at Adrian who had that infamous smirk on his face, his hand running through his still messy, light brown hair.

"You aren't helping," I groaned, sitting up and taking a mouthful of the hot tea, hissing as it burnt my tongue.

Adrian chuckled as he held out his coke, letting me take a sip to cool the burn down, "What am I meant to be helping with? You haven't told me anything,"

I sighed, staring at him intently, knowing that I could trust him, maybe the one I was most willing to trust, but not sure if I should. He reached across the table and gripped my hand, looking at me seriously for once "you can trust me, Rose." and then I smiled.

I told him everything that had transpired since I saw Dimitri, and I mean everything. Things I hadn't even admitted to Dean, yet I was so happy that I could get it off my chest. Dean, along with Dimitri, may be able to read me better than most people, but they could never know for sure, unlike Adrian. There was a chance I could get away with a lie to the others, not with Adrian though. He wasn't afraid to call me out on it, yet he also knew when to stop.

Adrian had turned out completely different to what I had once thought of him, and I was so glad that he had insisted on practically stalking me, because it turned out to be one of the best decisions.

"Well," Adrian rubbed his chin as he stared at me "that's definitely a mess of things," I rolled my eyes "but I understand." he smirked.

"Well at least you do, the others still think I'm being a major bitch," Adrian laughed.

"Oh, you are, but at least this time it's for a good reason." I poked my tongue out at him before leaning back, just wanting good news. Something to take my mind off of everything.

"So, tell me about her, how'd you meet?" a disgustingly sappy grin pulled his lips up and I couldn't help but smile at that. I was so happy that he was happy.

"Dimitri, Eddie, Lissa, Christian and I were out, driving somewhere when we were attacked by Strigoi. Afterwards we called an Alchemist to clean it up, we waited for them, you know? I just saw her there, she was the one talking to us, taking care of business," Adrian chuckled, rubbing his chin as he remembered "she was different than the others. She wasn't acting completely scared and she was feisty as well, so, naturally, I teased her, she didn't like that," he paused to shake his head "she would continue giving me sass back." he shrugged, noticing my smile.

"What?" I just glanced at the table, my smile widening before I looked back up at him.

"I'm just really happy for you." he chuckled.

"So you just, what, asked her for her number straight away?" Adrian nodded.

"Not that she gave it to me. We met a few other times, actually, still on the job, and each time I'd tease her and she'd give it back. I'd continuously ask for her number and finally she just gave it to me, I didn't even ask yet. She told me that she thinks we're all evil, blood sucking creatures but if I wanted to change that perspective I could." I laughed with him.

I already knew I'd like her.

I stopped for a moment as I thought, "she sounds like an alchemist I know."

"Crap, that's Dimitri, he's probably looking for you." Adrian rolled his eyes, looking at his ringing phone before shoving it into his pocket.

"Do you two actually get along now?" I asked with a smirk and Adrian chuckled again.

"Now that I'm not trying to rip off your clothes? Yeah, on a good day we get along. We still annoy the fuck out of each other, but it's all in good humour." I shook my head at him and laughed.

"God, I seriously missed talking to you." he frowned again.

"Then why didn't you? I knew from Mia you kept in touch with her, you kept in touch with your parents and you even called up Alberta and checked on the school, but you never kept in touch with me." and I could see that I'd hurt him and I felt seriously guilty.

"I know, I know and there's nothing I can do to change that…I honestly didn't think you wanted to speak to me," I looked back down at the table, playing with the empty sugar packets.

"Why?" he still sounded hurt.

"You never came to see me on graduation day. I know I didn't deserve a goodbye but the others at least came to yell at me, you just disappeared, I thought you hated me," I shrugged one shoulder.

"Rose, I could never hate you, no matter how much you piss me off or hurt me, you should know that by now." I nodded my head, biting my lip.

"I know." I said simply and then he grabbed my hand, briefly squeezing it before looking up and down my thin frame.

"Come on, I'm taking you shopping." my eyebrows rose high and I let out a confused noise.

"What? Why?"

"I'm at least buying you a belt; your clothes are falling off of you. Until you gain your weight back you're going to need to wear something else," though I agreed with him, he didn't have to spend money on me.

"You aren't buying me crap, I'll buy it and you can give advice," he frowned.

"I have more money than you," he pouted.

"So spend it on your fiancée." he couldn't argue with that and nodded.

"When am I going to meet her, anyway?" I asked and he suddenly shuddered, looking at me in mock horror.

"The thought of you two together scares me, the terror that you two could get up to," while he was teasing I knew there was some seriousness there.

I laughed gleefully "oh, she sounds fun," I nudged him with my elbow and we both laughed.

Some people were staring at us in shock, I wasn't sure if it was because I was back or because Adrian was seen walking around, being all chummy with a random girl. Either way I hope that rumours didn't start and get back to his fiancée. That wouldn't be pleasant.

…

"That was fun." I grinned, holding three bags. There weren't much clothes, but enough to get me through until I gained some more weight. I hadn't been this relaxed in five weeks.

"It was, and being at Court you don't have to wear all black," he glanced over my clothes "so now you can actually look like a human," he paused "as much of a human as you are." I nodded.

"Going shopping with Lissa and that is fun, but scary, you're more relaxed and fun," Adrian chuckled.

"When are you going to learn that everything is fun with me?" he winked at me and I laughed loudly.

"Now you can change at my apartment before we head to dinner, its closer," I nodded my head.

"Where's Sydney?" I asked, finally knowing her name, as we entered his apartment.

"She's probably with Lissa. She wanted to catch up with her before we eat." I nodded my head as he showed me to the bathroom.

I dressed in some black jeans and a blue cookie monster t-shirt, because seriously, how could I pass up on that? Adrian smirked when he saw it, as did I.

"You're wearing my favourite shirt, how cute," he winked and I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up," I muttered, pulling my hair up into a ponytail. I grabbed the bags and we began to head towards where Adrian and the others always ate dinner. He said that it was kind of like the cafeteria back at St Vladimir's; only you had to pay for the food.

…

When we finally got food and sat down at a table I sighed, already feeling sick after eating half of the burger on my plate. I know, not exactly healthy but it had looked nice.

Adrian frowned, "eat more." He ordered, pointing at the plate.

I pouted, "I already feel sick," I complained. He paused, staring at me intensely.

"How long had you gone without food?" I took a chip and bit it.

"Rose, how long did you go without food before people noticed and began to force you to eat again?" his voice was firmer before and I quickly realised that Adrian had truly changed. He was still sarcastic and flirty, but that was just who he was, he was now more serious as well. He'd matured.

"I don't know," I bit my lip and shrugged "two days maybe?" I muttered under my breath, hoping he wouldn't hear.

"Two days?" he hissed "how often did you do this?" he sounded really worried. I felt guilty as I stared up at his concerned face.

"I don't know…I was just so worried about everything that I'd forget about eating. I was scared, Adrian. I didn't want to leave my room. Each time I got a note, I guess. So…twice a week," I looked down guiltily as he made a shocked noise.

"You didn't eat four days out of seven? No wonder you lost so much damn weight," he ran his hand through his hair again.

"Jesus Christ," he glanced at the ceiling before looking back down at me "I will be with you every damn meal and I will force you to eat, no matter what." it was kind of nice having someone so worried for me. The others were so worried about the big picture they'd kind of forgotten the little things.

While I hadn't been doing this for attention, it was still nice to know that he cared enough to give it to me. I'd kind of expected him to not care at all.

"Are we disturbing something?" I looked up as Lissa stood beside our table. My head was still facing the table in guilt and Adrian's firm, concerned expression changed into a smile.

"Yes, but please, sit," everyone, including the Belikov's sat down. I hadn't looked up from my plate.

"Eat the rest," I heard Adrian snap at me. I looked up momentarily to poke my tongue out at him before taking another bite out of the burger.

"What's wrong?" Mum looked between Adrian and me, and as he opened his mouth to reply I looked pleadingly at him, shaking my head. He caught my look and quickly closed his mouth, sighing through his nose.

"Nothing, nothing at all." and I smiled in thanks, which he returned.

"Where's Sydney?" Adrian asked before Dad could pursue the obvious secret we were hiding.

"She should be here any minute," Lissa answered, staring between Adrian and me.

"There she is!" I saw the bright, loving smile on Adrian's face first before looking up. My mouth suddenly went slack, seeing the dark blonde haired, brown eyed alchemist.

"Sydney?" I gasped and she soon looked at me, her own jaw dropping before a large grin turned her lips up. A grin soon pulled my own up and I was quickly out of my seat, both of us hugging each other tightly.

"Holy fuck, when he said he was engaged to an alchemist named Sydney I just—I never connected the dots!" I said excitedly, my voice an octave higher as we grinned widely at each other.

"You two know each other?" Adrian looked kind of awkward and shocked.

"Yeah, she came to St Basils to talk about alchemists, she also worked for dad and we got to talking, I just…holy fuck," I couldn't think properly.

"I now, I mean, Adrian told me about his dhampir friend Rose who worked at an Academy but I never thought it was you! He said your last name was Hathaway, but you go by Mazur!" Sydney smiled widely.

"So you two are close then?" Adrian's awkwardness was suddenly gone, smiling about the fact that we were getting along.

"Of course, she saved my life!" I blushed slightly as we both sat down, her in the chair beside me.

"What?" Adrian's eyes flashed to mine and I waved it away.

"She's exaggerating," I stared at her pointedly and she rolled her eyes.

"If by exaggerating I mean, she pulled me away from a Strigoi that was about to bite me and, instead, got pinned and bitten instead before staking the bastard, then yeah, I'm exaggerating," she rolled her eyes sassily and I did the same, ignoring the gaping mouths.

"You got bit by a Strigoi for her?" Adrian was staring at me in awe.

"Don't make it such a big deal." I admonished Sydney.

"When was this?" Lissa asked and Sydney thought back.

"Uh…let's think, just after I met you I think, it was the reason that I gave Adrian a chance actually, or partly the reason. Rose kind of helped me realise not all of you are evil, blood sucking creatures of the night," I rolled my eyes but laughed at her.

"Some of us don't actually drink blood," Eddie interrupted and Sydney simply waved his comment away.

"Same thing, you protect people who do." and I chuckled, grinning at her.

"I missed your ignorant comments," I winked and she smirked back.

"I missed your insults," and we both laughed at each other.

"Well, this has gone so much better than I would've thought, now eat." Adrian said, staring at me as he said the last part firmly. I rolled my eyes but did so.

"What's your problem?" Sydney asked, not unkindly, with her head tilted to the side.

Adrian glanced at me and I nodded once, I didn't want him keeping secrets from her "I'll tell you later," he smiled at her, though his eyes glanced at the rest of the table and she nodded in understanding.

"Anyway, we have to catch up, stay with us tonight?" Sydney asked, pleading.

"I've been forced to stay elsewhere," I pouted, still not happy about that.

"It's one night, please! I haven't seen you in a year," she persisted and I shrugged.

"It's not my choice, it's my guardians," I spat the last word out, crossing my arms over my chest, nodding my head at Dimitri.

"Don't blame me, this wasn't my decision either!" he defended and I rolled my eyes.

"Dimitri, just let her out for one night, please, I promise to keep her safe!" Dimitri sighed but shrugged.

"Fine, but don't let her out of your site," he stared at me as he said it and I simply rolled my eyes but tuned and high-fived Sydney.

"Can I stay with somebody else? I'm going to wake up with my hair shaved off," Adrian muttered and I smirked at him.

"Not shaved, I wouldn't do that to you," he raised an eyebrow and I grinned "however, I do think blue is more your colour." I teased, rubbing my chin and he groaned.

Suddenly my phone began to ring, 'sexy and I know it' by LMFAO blasting and I squealed. Yes, I squealed. I flipped my phone open and heard Dean laughing.

"Did you just squeal?" I pouted.

"Shut up, what are you doing? It's morning over there isn't it?" I still grinned, taking a sip of my drink.

"Is that Dean?" Sydney whispered, when I nodded she chuckled, remembering him.

"Yeah, around seven but I just finished morning mass and no longer have anything to do," I laughed.

"Don't you normally sleep after mass?" I asked him and heard him chuckle.

"That's what I tell you," he replied sarcastically.

"Pfft, I know your every move, bible boy," I teased and heard his scoff.

"Bible boy, that's the best you got?" I pouted.

"I thought it was clever." and then we both laughed at each other and I noticed the others looking at me as if I'm insane. I rolled my eyes. I knew they weren't necessarily used to me acting like this. More open and happy than I had ever been.

With Dean I had no need to be guarded, with Dean I could just be myself and I knew he wouldn't judge.

"It was, Rosie, it was. So, what are you doing now?"

"I'm eating dinner actually," I pulled the phone away momentarily, now sick of the staring.

"I'm going outside." I muttered, standing up and heading out the front. It was dark now and I walked to the side of the building, leaning against the wall.

"How is everything?" he asked quietly, knowing that something was up just by the sound of my voice.

"Well," and I told him what had happened. How I'll be living with Dimitri, how I'd spoken to Adrian and Sydney was his fiancée, even Dean had a field day with that, and how worried I was.

"You sure aren't boring, Rose, I can tell you that," he sighed and I did too.

"Sometimes I wish I was." I muttered and he chuckled.

"We're going to have to schedule another ice cream gossip session, this time when it's a right time for us both," I laughed, pushing off the wall and heading back around to the front of the building.

"Yeah, we really will, I seriously miss you already," I could almost see his smile.

"I miss you, too, but it shouldn't be for too long. When this mess is sorted out we'll see each other then." I frowned.

"But I care about you, too, and if there's a snitch then they could go after you, I don't want that to happen," I protested "maybe you should come to the court," I bit my lip.

"Rose, I'm worried, too, but I have to stay here. I may not act seriously about my job, but I help the students as well. I need to be here for them, I'm not just a priest, I'm here for students to speak to and trust. I can't leave, and besides, Romero has a guardian on me as well, since she knows how close we are," I sighed and nodded, knowing that it was the truth.

I glanced up as the others left the building and looked to the floor.

"Well, okay, I think I have to go," I sighed, looking up at the darkened sky "just try and be careful, please? Make sure to be cautious and never be alone with somebody, don't trust them, I don't want you to get hurt, I don't know if I could handle it," I whispered the last part and saw the others frown.

"You know I wouldn't hurt you like that, of course I'll be careful," I smiled slightly and nodded, relaxing infinitesimally.

"Just continue to text me; even if I'm asleep I'll answer them when I wake up, okay?"

"Okay, goodbye, Rose, love you," I smiled.

"Yeah, I love you, too." And then I hung up, dragging a hand down my face and trying not to be worried as I looked at the others. They kind of shuffled awkwardly, as if they'd entered on an incredibly embarrassing private conversation. While it was private, it wasn't embarrassing. As close as Dean and I were, we could never be together. We didn't love each other that way, even if I sometimes thought that it would be easier.

"Did you need to get some clothes?" I grabbed the bags that Adrian handed me and shook my head.

"No, I bought a pair of pyjamas today." I smiled at her and she nodded, clasping my hand I waved once to the others before her and Adrian dragged me back to their house for some much needed bonding.


	10. Chapter 10

I sighed; sitting at the window and watching people pass by as I have been for the past week.

"Come on, Rose, come have some fun," Lissa whined. I shrugged her off.

What fun was here? There was nothing to do! According to the doctor I shouldn't train, simply because I was weaker than normal. I had to wait until I gained some more weight and could eat a full meal without feeling sick, I didn't want to watch movies or shop or get pampered. There was nothing at all that was 'fun' to do!

"You go have fun, I'm fine right here," I snapped, now glaring out the window.

"This is not having fun." Lissa pouted and I rolled my eyes.

"And I really don't care what you think about my having fun, I'm not leaving and that's final!" I snapped, she sighed in defeat.

"At least let's do something," Dimitri, who was sitting on the couch reading, glanced up. I could tell as I could see him in the reflection.

"Well, why don't you teach her how to put a block up, Rose? Or try and test the bond some more," Lissa looked confused and I paused, about to protest.

"Actually…that's not a bad idea, maybe I won't have a headache around you anymore," Lissa and I had paused the bond testing, as in my weakened state it was giving me severe headaches, but teaching her how to put a block up shouldn't be too hard.

"Come sit over here," I sat on the floor, my back against the wall and pointing in front of me.

"Okay, now what?" she asked and I bit my lip. I wasn't sure if it would work for her.

"Close your eyes," she did as I said "I want you to feel the bond, the way you send me mental links but, well, don't," I could see Dimitri chuckle at the way I taught and I glared at him. I felt a throbbing in my skull as she tugged on the bond.

"Good, really good, now, I want you to imagine severing the bond," her eyes snapped open and she looked at me in shock.

"I don't want to sever it!" she snapped loudly and I rolled my eyes.

"Not sever it, that wasn't the right word, do what I told you again, this time, image bricks in your mind," she did as I said, frowning in concentration.

"Bricks?" she didn't sound convinced.

"Yes," I rolled my eyes "imagine making a fort out of bricks around the bond, blocking me from your mind, blocking the bond." slowly, I closed my own eyes, seeing the picture of the bricks going up, slowly the image was getting fuzzier and fuzzier until my link with her snapped and I couldn't see her image anymore.

When I opened my eyes Lissa had a light sheen of sweat, she was kind of panting but she had a small smirk.

"Oh my fucking god, my head feels glorious," I moaned, rubbing my temples. I hadn't realised just how bad my head felt, I had gotten so used to it over the past eight weeks that I couldn't remember how it felt without the throbbing.

"It worked?" she asked and I grinned, nodding my head.

"Yup, it's weak, but it's enough now until you get used to it. You did really well, it took me two weeks to learn," she blushed lightly.

"You also didn't have a teacher, I did, you had to figure it out on your own," she pointed out and I shrugged.

"No excuses, you did well." I said and she just smiled and nodded this time.

"Rose?" I looked up as Olena, Dimitri's mother, entered the room.

"Yes?" I replied kindly, considering she was one of the nicest women I'd ever met.

It had been incredibly odd moving in with Dimitri's family. Not only did his grandmother, Yeva, not speak English, Karolina had a baby girl, Zoya, and Paul had come down with us, Sonja still regarded me with caution, and Viktoria, while nice, didn't seem to like that I had hurt her brother. Overall, knowing our story, it had been more than awkward.

"Would you like to help me make dinner at least? It will give you something to do," she smiled at me and I nodded, smiling back as I stood and followed her into the kitchen.

"How do you like the court?" I asked conversationally and she shrugged.

"It's a beautiful place, I've only ever been once before, but people hadn't been as…welcoming of me," she smiled but I couldn't find it in me to, instead frowning. As she lived in a commune, people seemed to think them dirty blood whores. I was ashamed to admit I once had as well.

When I learnt of the horror of the place, how some people didn't want to do it but were forced, I soon felt protective of the people there. I hated that they had their will taken from them. Even for those that enjoyed it, while I thought it was wrong, I understood kind of. Hadn't I been addicted, or close to, when Lissa and I had run away? Didn't I love the effect, the feeling of it?

I had absolutely no right to judge the people who enjoyed it.

"People have no right to judge," as I said that the knife came down harder on the carrot I was currently chopping. Olena smiled.

"They don't, but that's society," I grumbled under my breath.

"Society is stupid, unless people know they shouldn't judge," again the knife came down harder.

"You sound as if you understand," she whispered quietly and I paused, looking up at her with a sad look.

"About being that? Yeah, I guess you could say that." I whispered, just as low. She frowned questioningly.

"When Lissa and I ran away, back when we were fifteen, I was the one who fed her," understanding lit her eyes before she smiled sadly at me.

"You truly care for your friends, don't you?" I chuckled darkly.

"More than I probably should." she didn't disagree with me.

"Did you ever think of doing something for yourself?" she asked quietly and I paused, sighing sadly.

"I did, and all that got me was a broken heart," she paused completely beside me, looking me up and down before placing a hand over my own.

"I'm truly sorry," I smiled and shrugged.

"It's okay," and then I muttered the one motto I hated "they come first." and I had a feeling they always would, no matter what I said otherwise.

"Sometimes they shouldn't," Olena grunted and I chuckled, because she sounded like me. Or maybe I sounded like her.

"No, sometimes they shouldn't, but they always will." And then we continued in silence.

…

"Where do you think you're going?" I paused, one foot out the door and groaning. So fucking close.

"Out, that's where I'm going," I snapped at Dimitri. No matter what, he had to follow me around and it was more than grating on my nerves. I was losing my fucking mind!

"Not without me you aren't," Dimitri stated, crossing his arms over his chest, wearing pyjama bottoms and a tank top.

"Dimitri, it's been two weeks, I'm back up to my full strength and I'm training again, inside wards I'm sure I can protect myself!" I argued.

"So you believe that if two or more dhampir's attack you then you will be able to defend yourself?"

"Yes, it won't be easy but I'm sure I could." I said with confidence, placing my hands on my hips.

"And if they had weapons?" his face was hard and my own fell in defeat, knowing that he was right.

"Dimitri, I need to get out of here." I protested weakly.

"Then let me get dressed and we can," I groaned.

"I need to be alone, I am so sick of having you crowding me all the damn time!" I snapped quietly, it was late and people were asleep. I hated that Dimitri looked offended.

I didn't want to feel guilty but I did. He was only worried about me and I had been nothing but a bitch to him since we started living together. I don't care how much I hate being in his presence and living with his family hurt me. I didn't have the right to take it out on Dimitri when, truthfully, I was the one hurting him now, wasn't I?

"Then I'll keep my distance, but you aren't leaving alone," and he gripped my arm, dragged me into his room and pushed me onto the bed.

"Sit." He pointed at me and I mockingly barked like a dog.

He flicked me on the nose "Down, Todo!" As I growled at him, he disappeared into his closet for a moment before walking out in jeans and his hair tied up, still wearing the tank.

He slipped on his shoes and then motioned to the door "hurry up," I growled at him again but did as he said.

We left the house and slowly began to walk around. I sighed, tilting my head up and smiling as the sun licked my skin. It felt nice and I felt the best I had in a while.

"You don't have to follow behind me," I glanced back as Dimitri walked more than a few metres away.

"I thought that was what you wanted," but he caught up to me.

"No, I wanted to be alone, but there's no god damn point if you just followed." I snapped and he rolled his eyes.

"Why do you hate me so much now?" he asked stopping and glaring down at me. I was slightly shocked but glared up at him.

"I don't hate you!" I objected.

"Then why avoid me? First you didn't want to live with me; you argue with me as much as you can, you don't even look in my direction! What am I supposed to believe?" he threw his hands up.

"Not that I hate you, that's for sure!" and then I turned and walked away from him, growling words under my breath as I ran my hand through my hair.

"Why do you just keep walking away from me?" Dimitri snapped, grabbing my arm and turning me around to face him. The look in his brown eyes almost made me pause, but I was too fired up to.

"Maybe because I'm sick of the argument and I know how it's going to turn out!"

"And how's that?" his voice was low, anger and frustration making his accent thicker than usual.

"I'll admit that I love you, we'll kiss and then I'll be hurt, once again, because I know that we can't be together!" I felt tears entering my eyes and felt pathetic. I felt more than pathetic; I just wanted to be alone!

The pain in his eyes, yet the anger, made my stomach twist "don't look at me like that!" I snapped again, pulling away from him.

"How else am I meant to look at you, Rose?" he cried in frustration.

"I don't know, just not like that! Not like all of this is my fault!"

"Isn't it? If you just admitted it and let go we could be together! Dammit!" he punched the air and turned around, running his hands down his face.

"Dimitri, even if I did admit it, once this goes away, once we fucking kill that bastard, I go back to teaching at St Basils and living my own life. A life I'm not yet ready to leave, and I seriously doubt you're willing to leave this one," Dimitri didn't look at me, his back still facing me as he stared at the ground.

"Why did I have to fall for you?" he sighed under his breath.

"I've asked myself the same question," I muttered back and he shook his head, turning to face me.

"Why can't we just be happy? Why does everything have to be so complicated?" these were rhetorical, they all were.

The longer he stared at me the angrier I got "Fuck, Dimitri, why couldn't you have been like this in the academy? Why the hell couldn't you have fought this hard back then?" I yelled at him, I felt like hitting something, kicking something, kicking him, or just crying. I wanted to kiss him and have him hold me just as much.

"Because it was wrong back then! Because I didn't realise just how much I'd miss you until you were gone!" I completely paused as he said that and he groaned, again running his hands down his face.

"I don't know how many times I can say that I'm sorry to you, I don't know how to get you back," his voice was quieter, full of confusion, pain and desperation. I was shocked by just how much he seemed to want me, since when he broke up with me he seemed too angry all the damn time.

"Why did you lie to me back at the Academy? Why tell me you never wanted to see me again?" he sighed, one of the saddest smirks pulling up his lips.

"It was easier to lie than to tell you the truth. That if we had continued you never would have graduated; I thought you still wanted to be Lissa's guardian. I was so angry when you changed guarding positions because it truly hit me that I wouldn't see you again. I deluded myself into believing that maybe I could at least have you be with me, without _being_ with me." He shook his head.

"It was stupid." And then he glanced back up at me curiously.

"Why did you leave? Tell me the truth," he ordered and I paused, staring at him intently but I knew with him looking at me like that I couldn't lie.

It was funny, I'd been asked this question so many damn times, and while each answer was truthful it had never been the whole truth. Never the right answer.

"Dimitri," I paused "you broke me, and I put everything into training, into becoming the best because I believed that was all that I had left. During that time though I realised that you'd been partly right. I was a kid. I could barely pull myself together and if I couldn't survive without you, how could I survive in the real world?" I couldn't believe I was admitting this.

"I needed to leave everyone—the pain of all the memories, of Mason, of rumours, of Viktor, of the attack, of how much blood was on my hands—to be able to understand who I was," I shook my head "I knew that until I figured out who I was, I wouldn't know who I could be, and to me that was important." Dimitri sighed.

"Did you figure it out?" I chuckled darkly.

"No." he smirked, shaking his head.

"Do you at least love me, Roza?" I ignored the nickname.

"Yes, and I always will, but that doesn't matter anymore." and then we just stood there, pain radiating from the both of us until he nodded.

.

.

.

**PLEASE READ. **

**Okay, I know, this whole schedule thing is going horribly wrong, and if you're still reading this thanks very much! **

**Basically, I'm now in Grade 12 and I'm in my school musical, so along with studying I do not get home until six at night, and I have certain days I train all day so it is getting harder for me to update. I am almost finished with this, so to get it over quickly I will probably be updating two chapters every week, though I am now not sure when that will be. **

**Again, I am really sorry for not updating last week, I think, and here's an update! **


	11. Chapter 11

Dimitri and I had headed our separate ways after that, I went to Sydney and Adrian and spent the rest of the night at their house and Dimitri went back home.

Right now I was in the courts bar, currently on the second vodka and slightly tipsy. I'd managed to slip away from Christian, who had been sent by Dimitri to look after me, and headed to the last place they'd look.

I hadn't expected to actually drink, but at the moment I just wanted to forget. I wanted to forget everything. By the time I was on my third vodka things were probably getting a little fuzzy. Unfortunately, being a dhampir, buzzes never stayed long.

"I thought I'd find you here." I groaned as I looked up at Adrian.

"Just go away!" I whined, my words slightly slurring together.

"No can do, we're all looking for you," he sat down across from me and I sighed, finishing the rest of the drink.

"Why can't people just leave me alone to wallow in my own despair?" I muttered to myself.

"Because you go and do stupid things like getting drunk when there are people after you," Adrian admonished and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not drunk." I pouted.

"But you would be if I hadn't have found you," I couldn't disagree, he'd know if I was lying after all.

"So, another fight between you and Dimitri, then?" I glared up at him.

"He tell you that?" I snapped.

"No," he smirked "I guessed and you just confirmed it." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Everything is so fucked up! Why the hell is Nathan doing this? What objective does he have?" I snapped in buzzed anger.

"I asked around about that actually, guardians and all," I looked up at him, my mind slowly catching up.

"And?" I persisted.

"And Dimitri was the only one that got away." my brows furrowed.

"Wait, what?" I sat up.

"Dimitri is the only one that got away from him. He's the only one that survived with his life, and you are the reason for that," Adrian sighed and I groaned, slumping back down.

"I knew this was my fault."

"Adrian! Rose?" Eddie ran in, looking completely panicked.

"What's wrong?" Eddie looked like he had been running a marathon.

"Something happened. It's Mia!" both of us shot up quickly, glancing at each other before we quickly ran out of the bar, me not as fast as I could be considering the alcohol.

We followed Eddie until he got to the infirmary, we ran to the others who were sitting in the waiting room.

"Where the hell were you?" Christian snapped and I glared at him, his expression changed when he caught my smell.

"Is that…is that vodka? Were you at the bar?" he snapped in anger.

"This isn't the time, what happened to Mia?" Adrian stepped between us. Dimitri was silent, sitting on the chair and staring at his shoes, Sydney looked worried as she stared at me, Lissa was pacing frantically and Christian continued glaring at me. Eddie was waiting for the information.

"Strigoi's attacked her." Dimitri said blankly and my eyes widened. I shook my head.

"No." I whimpered.

"Yes." Dimitri glared at me, that same look as our last conversation on graduation day. It made me flinch.

"How is she?" Adrian asked, pulling on his hair.

"She's unconscious and lost a little blood but the sun came up before they could do too much damage. They dropped her off at the front gate, seems they wanted her alive for something," Christian still glared at me.

"Where is she?" I whispered quietly.

"Why the fuck do you care? Why don't you just go get drunk?" Christian snapped angrily.

"Christian!" Lissa admonished, though she didn't sound like she disagreed.

"She's in room 34c. Just down the hall," Sydney whispered, immediately getting glares from most people. I turned and ran down the hall.

When I got to Mia's room I almost began to cry. Mia lay in bed, a tube up her nose to help her breathe; she had bruises on her pale skin and blood still in her blonde hair. When she heard me her eyelids fluttered and I walked closer to her bed, standing beside it I grabbed her hands. Her eyes opened, groaning at the light.

"Rose," she whispered and I smiled as well as I could down at her "I'm glad you're okay," she whispered and I looked at her as if she was insane.

"You're glad I'm okay? You're the one lying in a hospital bed," I admonished and she gave a tiny grin before wincing at the split lip.

"What happened?" I asked and I saw tears fill her eyes.

"They crashed my car, pulled me out. They started hitting me," she whimpered and I held her hand tighter "I tried fighting back but there was too many of them. They ran me here and left me something," she motioned with her eyes to the clothes on her chair "jean pocket," I pulled out the white slip of paper and closed my eyes in pain, a tear finally falling "it's for you." She finished.

"Mia," my hand covered my mouth and she looked at me firmly.

"It isn't your fault!" her voice was too weak for the volume she tried to speak in and instead began to cough.

"Mia!" I yelped in worry, my hand again gripping hers. When she stopped I looked down at the white piece of paper. With shaking hands I opened it.

'_Who else, who else, Rose? This is your fault, after all. I'm having fun and I hope you are too, love, N xx' _

I felt like throwing up as I looked back up at Mia.

"I-I need some air," and then I turned and sprinted away from her, despite her weak voice calling my name. Tears began to fall from my eyes and I ran past my friends who called out to me.

Sobs began attacking me and my chest felt like it was constricting, stopping me from breathing.

"Roza!" I heard someone yell and then suddenly I was pulled back, hands clutching my upper arms tightly, tight enough to bruise, as I struggled to get away. Tears were falling from my eyes continuously and sobs left my throat.

"Let me go, let me go!" I yelled, struggling harder, but I still wasn't as strong as I could be, not to mention not in my right mind.

"What happened?" Dimitri snapped.

"It's my fault, it's all my fault!" I screamed, my mind beginning to break, along with what was left of my sanity.

"No it isn't!" Dimitri snapped, shaking me hard. I just continued to sob.

"Nathan, it was him! It's my fault, if I just went to him, if I did what he said, then everything would be okay!" my shaking legs finally collapsed and I hit the ground. Dimitri said nothing, he just pulled me into his arms, both of us kneeling as he let me sob into his shirt.

I would think that his arms around me would make me feel safe, but instead it made me feel worst. I was the cause of my family's danger, of those that I love hiding in fear.

I didn't deserve protecting.


	12. Chapter 12

I felt numb. I felt as if I had just completely given up hope.

Mia had gotten better with Lissa's healing. She stayed at the court now and had been here for two weeks. I was perched at that window again, just staring, but no longer out of boredom of nothing to do. I felt broken. Not in the way with Dimitri, but completely shattered. My sanity felt as if it had disappeared.

All I could think was that this was my fault.

"Rose," I didn't look away from the window, I didn't respond in anyway. The white letter was clutched in my hand and Lissa walked over, pulling it out and reading the words.

"Another one." she whispered, shaking her head as she pushed her blonde hair back, emerald eyes flashing in fear for a moment. Fear for who I wasn't sure. Me? Possible. Herself? She should be.

"It isn't your fault." she said this at least two times a week, each time a new letter was received.

I think by now we had both stopped believing those words. We both knew that it was my fault. It will always be my fault.

I didn't respond to her, I barely moved every day now. There was nothing that could be done. We had no idea where Nathan was, we had no idea who the snitch was, and we didn't know what was happening.

"How is she?" I heard someone whisper to Lissa. Tasha. She had refused coming, she had believed she could take care of herself. When the news of Mia reached her she finally came under Christian's panicked pleas.

"The same." Lissa replied to Tasha who I suppose nodded because she said nothing in response to it.

"Here, I have her dinner," I heard a clattering of plates and Lissa's footsteps falling closer to where I sat.

"Here, Rose," Lissa placed it on the space in front of my feet as my knees were pulled up to my chest, leaving enough room. She continued to stand there.

"Rose, you have to eat," she tried to plead with me.

"For fucksake, Rose, will you fucking grow up!" I heard Christian yell at me. I briefly scoffed at myself in my head. _What a great guardian I am, I hadn't even realised he was in here. _

"Christian!" Lissa and Tasha both yelled. I ignored him. It didn't seem to have made his temper cool down; instead I'd say it got worst. He stomped over to me, grabbing my arms he shoved my back hard against the window, seething in my face.

"You are the only one who can stop this, Rose, so stop sitting around like an idiot!" he screamed, true fury in his voice. I thought it was odd that I didn't even react to that, nor the way his hands were beginning to heat up, warming my arms painfully.

When I didn't react he seemed to have broken as well. There was a brief moment of silence as his piercing blue eyes stared into my dull brown before he lifted his hand, a resonating smack echoing through the still room.

Even he looked shocked at what he did.

Confused, my hand reached up to the cheek that was now burning. Pain. It wasn't something that I had felt in so long, and to feel anything was like a shock to my body and mind.

Tears began to crawl down my cheeks, reminding me of the way a crack would leak. I looked up at Christian before throwing my arms around him. He stumbled against my weight, arms clutching me tightly.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Rose," he mumbled into my neck. My weak arms tightened around his neck and I sobbed into his shirt.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I continuously repeated like a broken record. Other than my sobs there was only silence and I wasn't even sure if the others were still in the room.

…

By the time I stopped crying I felt better than I had in a while. I pulled back from Christian and wiped at my face, sniffling. I couldn't meet his eyes.

"I ruined your shirt," my voice was hoarse, thick with the tears, as I stared at the wet splotch on his white shirt. White. I hadn't seen him in anything other than black.

"I slapped you, I guess we're even," I barked out a shocked laugh, looking at his face. He looked surprised at my outburst, looking as I felt.

"Thank you." he shrugged.

"I'm glad you seem better," I nodded before looking at the ground.

"You were right, I just couldn't see it. It's time to figure this shit out." Despite my exasperated smile, his seemed to brighten from comforting to encouraging.

"After you eat," he looked over at the food and grimaced "It's cold; we'll go to the cafeteria. Go change, I'll wait." I nodded my head and did as he ordered.

Dressing in jeans and a thick sweater, it seemed the others had left us alone a little while ago. I pulled on a beanie, simply because it was really cold, and followed Christian to the cafeteria.

His arm never left my shoulder and I was seriously thankful, I felt like I needed the support.

"Does your cheek hurt?" he muttered, staring at it. I had looked in the mirror, seeing a red hand print that was most likely still there after two hours due to the way his hands had heated up before slapping me. Thankfully it was slightly burnt, more like when you get sunburnt, rather than the blister-burnt.

"Not really, it kind of feels nice;" at his disturbed look I laughed "it's the first thing I've felt in a long time." I explained and he nodded.

…

When we got into the cafeteria I saw the table, my parents, the Belikov's and the rest of my friends whose jaws dropped after seeing my small smile.

"Oh my god, Rose has risen!" Adrian cheered and I laughed, slapping him in the back of the head.

"You make me sound like God or something, and we both know I'm no saint," I winked at him cheekily and he paused, as if not expecting me to make any comment before a grin lifted his lips from ear to ear.

"That we do, Rose, that we do," he muttered.

"I'm going to go get some food," they nodded and I smiled briefly at my parents, who gaped at the red hand print then glared at Christian, before I grabbed some food.

I grabbed a lot, and even after that I was hungry. They all seemed shocked I could eat so much, yet they understood. I was sure that I was going to be sick, but I hadn't _tasted_ any of the food I'd eaten in a while and it tasted so good.

"Leave some food for the rest of us, would you?" Sydney gaped and I grinned.

"Don't worry, I'm just going to get some donuts now," they all shook their head at me.

By the time we'd all finished dinner I was slowly walking back to the apartment with Dimitri beside me.

"How's your cheek?" he asked quietly, as if not sure whether he should speak to me. I was sure he thought I'd chuck a fit and end up hitting him and running away. I wasn't going to lie, it was a thought in my head.

"Good, I've had worst," I shrugged and he nodded, shoving his hands deeper into his jean pockets.

"I'm sorry." Dimitri blurted out after a moment. I paused and turned to look at him.

"For what?" he glanced at the sky.

"For ever hurting you and I know that it will never be enough, and I will never be able to take back everything I've done, but I just wanted you to know that I am truly sorry," and he looked back down at me and I knew just how sincere he was.

I smiled at him and took one step closer; hooking my arm in his and he pulled his hand out of his pocket, allowing me to slip my hand in his.

"Dimitri, I really don't know what the future is going to hold and I really don't know if we can be together in the end…but I don't want us to constantly fight anymore. The truth is I do love you, and it hurts every single time I deny it. I don't know how much longer I have left, but this is as much as your fight as it is mine, and I can't deny that any longer. If we're together now, there's a chance it will hurt more if it ends, but I think," I paused and looked up at his shocked face "I think that I can deal with that then, if you want."

He had no response except to smile, and he bent down and pressed his lips against mine. I almost melted, never having expected to feel him against me once more. It felt so right, and I was happy just to bask in this moment, in him, for however long I can.

…

"We need to figure out who the snitch is." I stated, days later and sitting in one of many meeting rooms. Romero had emailed me a list of students and teachers, many of them, and we were currently looking through them.

"How? There are over three hundred people here!" Christian stared in shock at the paper.

I frowned "I'll go through and high light the people that I know. They would've had to have been close to me otherwise they wouldn't have had as much information as they did, Christian, Lissa, Dimitri and Eddie, afterwards you will have to go through and high light anybody you told about the shopping trip, okay?"

We continued like that, from there looking up on the database the back ground on who was left.

"Rose, you told everything to Father Maars, didn't you?" Eddie asked and my head snapped up, anger momentarily causing me to see red.

"He would never do this to me!" I snapped and Eddie quickly placed his hands up in surrender.

"No, he loves you too much for that," I felt Dimitri glower at that "even I can see that, he'd never betray you, but couldn't he have told people about the trips? Not realising they were the snitch, he could have relayed information." I bit my lip but nodded, pulling my phone out, not even thinking of the time difference.

"Rose?" a sleep laced voice answered.

"Yeah, sorry, I know I'm waking you up. I need to know something; we're trying to find the snitch," I placed the phone on loud speaker and continued to high light names.

"Nope, I'm up, I'm up," he groaned and it was so obvious he was not up "did you find something?" he yawned loudly at the end and I chuckled, missing him so deeply.

"No, we actually need your help," I said and I heard a shuffling.

"Just wait, I'm getting coffee," I heard a zip and knew he was putting jeans on. Finally I could hear him again as he headed towards the kitchen.

"Holy shit it is cold," he muttered and I laughed.

"You're so saintly," I teased.

"Ah, we both know I sold my soul to the devil, no need to pretend." I just laughed.

"So how are things on your end?" I heard another door open and him muttering something to the chef in there, no doubt. They got up quite early to begin cooking.

"Pretty good, sorry I haven't been calling lately," I apologised. He chuckled.

"I know, we haven't even had our cry session where we loudly eat ice cream in each other's ears," he pretended to be disappointed, but then, knowing him he might actually be.

"No ice cream, it's too cold," he hummed as he thought for a moment.

"Nachos? You can heat them up, they'd taste good, too," I laughed, but nodded.

"That wouldn't be so bad." I ignored how the others in the room looked at me like I was insane.

"Sweet mother of pearls that tastes good," I chuckled as he moaned.

"Good, you got your coffee now help." I demanded.

"Okay, what do you need?" he asked and I heard a chair scrape against linoleum.

"I need to know a list of people you've told anything to. About me going shopping, or Lissa and Dimitri coming back, me coming to the court, or who I'm staying with, something that would connect them to information about me," I instructed and it was silent for a moment.

"You don't think it's one of our friends, do you?" he sounded shocked and appalled.

"I don't want to, but it has to be somebody close to get information." He gave a sad sigh.

"I-I don't know. I'm not close to too many people other than you. I suppose I've spoken to Saunders, Elena, Smith, but they'd already known about the Princess coming back and your shopping trip. They are all really close, as you know, and originally, I think, Saunders or Smith was meant to go on the shopping trip but they convinced Romero to get you to go," I looked at Dimitri and he nodded, signalling that he had spoken to them before.

"Is that it?" I asked back down the phone.

"Yeah, I think so," I sighed.

"I'm sorry, but could you stay away from them? I know they're your mates but I don't want any of them hurting you if they figure out you've said something to me," I heard him hum again before he sighed.

"Yeah, okay…and sorry, Rose, I know you were close to them as well," I shook my head, despite knowing he couldn't see me.

"Wouldn't be the first time, Dean, I'll speak to you later, love you,"

"Love you too, Rosie." And then we both hung up and I sat back, rubbing my hand down my face.

"How close were you with them?" Adrian asked, seeing the sadness in my aura, no doubt. I knew that he could read me easily, but I also could tell how his green eyes flashed over my body. Some, humans, would mistake him to be looking at body language, but I knew different.

"Elena's new but I actually liked her, she was nice yet sassy, I've known Saunders and Smith since I first started working there, they were both across the hall from me, plus they trained a lot and helped me get started in teaching." I explained and they looked sad.

"Well, considering Elena's new, it's most likely her," Dimitri said and I bit my lip.

"But have you spoken to her? I mean, it just doesn't connect, why would she work with Nathan? She's just out of an academy, she's barely 19 years old!" I cried before dropping my head on the table.

"We'll talk to Guardian Romero about her when it's a more reasonable time, for now, let's try and figure out where Nathan is, okay?" Dimitri rubbed his hand up and down my back and I nodded, sitting back up.

"Okay," I tried to sound determined again.

"Well, he seems to have his goons doing most of the work," I glanced at Mia.

"Are you sure he wasn't there at the attack?" she bit her lip, thinking back over the description I had given her of him.

"There were no blondes, but then I was kind of preoccupied." Mia shrugged and I sighed but nodded, understanding that she couldn't give much more than that. I couldn't blame her, it's not like I would be able to describe everybody that I've fought against.

"That means that he hasn't come to Montana or he only comes out when needed," I bit my lip.

"He was obviously in Russia at the time, near those shops. Where is the nearest place to that, at least, where a Strigoi could hide?" Eddie said but I sat back, shaking my head.

"It doesn't feel right. Nathan isn't stupid; he knows that we'd expect him to be there. He has his goons do all the work; he stabbed and ran at those shops, meaning he had plenty of time to get very far away from us. He wouldn't be in Russia; he'd be in plain sight," I looked over all the notes before I froze completely.

"Roza?" Dimitri placed a hand on my arm in confusion at my sudden expression.

"I think I'm going to get a tea, helps me focus…" I bit my lip, taking one last look at those notes lyng scattered on the table before leaving the room.

"Rose!" Adrian quickly ran after me and I paused outside, waiting for him to catch up to me as I began to walk to the café.

"Where is he, Rose? I know you've thought of a place," I glanced at Adrian, simply nodding before entering the café. As I paid for the tea and began to walk around again Adrian seemed to have enough, grabbing my elbow and pulling me to stop.

I ran a hand through my hair "where is he, Rose?" Adrian repeated.

"Nathan knows me and Dimitri; it's all a game to him. He wants me and Dimitri to hurt, that's it, and where is the one place where everything fell apart, Adrian?" he frowned, emerald eyes staring deeply into mine. They flashed with recognition for a moment.

"The Academy?" he gaped. I shook my head.

"Close." I ran a hand through my hair "the one place where everything fell apart was during the battle. The place he truly found what would break me apart," realisation clicked in his eyes and I nodded.

"He's at the caves."

.

.

.

**Okay, I am really sorry that I haven't been uploading, all my time has been set to study lately but I am now on holidays for three weeks. **

**Honestly, I had been so set on finishing it that I think I've rushed these last few chapters, so I'm really just trying to make them seem less rushed. I hope that this is okay and again, I'm sorry for not updating. **


	13. Chapter 13

Adrian promised to keep the location a secret. I didn't want people looking for Nathan, not right now, not until we know who the snitch is. The fact is we couldn't trust anybody. _I_ couldn't trust anybody. Until we knew who the snitch was, it was possible that everything we said or did was being relayed back to Nathan.

I smiled up at Dimitri from the book I was reading as he entered our room. We'd come to sharing a bed at night, simply because he knew that I was right. He knew that we had to make as much of what we could, since we didn't know how long we had together.

He pulled the covers up and slid in beside me, wearing only pyjama bottoms and I smiled, resting my head on his chest as I sighed in peace.

"You're always comfortable," I felt his chest rumble as he chuckled.

"Thank you, I think," I grinned sleepily up at him and nodded.

"You're welcome." His hand lightly rubbed circles into my back and I felt myself slowly going to sleep.

"Roza?" my eyes blinked open.

"Hmm?"

"Why haven't you told me where Nathan is?" my body stilled and I sat up slowly, looking at him.

"Because I don't know where he is." why did I lie? He always knew when I lied.

"Don't lie to me." He growled and dammit, I knew I shouldn't have.

"I-I'm not!" fucking stutter!

He made a sound of shock "don't tell me you don't trust me!" my eyes snapped to his.

"Of course I trust you!" I retorted, trying not to be loud and wake the others up. I had found quickly that if you woke any of Dimitri's sisters up, they were likely to try and kill you all through the next day. His mother wouldn't make any breakfast for you and his grandmother would just sends you terrifying glares. It wasn't pretty and I'd rather not go through that again.

"Then why won't you tell me?" Dimitri snapped, anger and annoyance lacing his tone and making his Russian accent stronger.

"Because I don't know who will find out, hell, our phones could be tapped, and tell me, tell me that once you find out you won't do anything!" I stared directly into his eyes, as he stared back.

He never replied.

"See! I can't let you fight Nathan, I _won't_ let you fight, Nathan." Dimitri rolled his eyes but nodded, unwillingly understanding.

"I'm sorry," I whispered but then Dimitri grinned, chuckling as he bent down to kiss me.

"You'll just have to make it up to me, then." His eyes flashed and I smiled up at him, kissing back.

…

"Kiz, the letters aren't going to help!" Dad sat back with a groan, running his hands through his thick hair. The group, bah the Belikov's, sat crowded around a table, looking over the notes. We were still trying to find the snitch, after much thought we realised that it couldn't have been the three. It wasn't just the fact that it didn't feel right to me; it was also the fact that those three had always been passionate about their job and had rarely been late to a shift.

"No, there has to be a clue!" I said determinedly, shuffling through the notes, looking for something more than what I was seeing.

"I think I want you to go back to being brain dead." Christian groaned to himself, without looking up from the pages I kicked his shin. He yelped and glared at me.

"Rose, we've been looking at them for an hour, it's almost dinner time!" Lissa even complained, which almost annoyed me. She had been pushing me for weeks to do something, to work this all out, and now that I was she was getting annoyed. I rolled my eyes.

"You guys go, I'll be fine here," I informed them. Straight away Dad stood, throwing his hands up to the sky.

"Halleluiah! Call me if you find something," he patted my shoulder and kissed my forehead, mum doing the same, as they left.

"You guys go as well, I'll be fine," I motioned my head to the others as I continuously stared at the notes.

"Are you sure?" Christian asked though he was already standing and leaving, dragging Lissa and Tasha with him.

I laughed "yes, Chris, now go, you too," I looked at Dimitri. He hadn't exactly gotten too much sleep last night and he deserved a day off. He'd been following me everywhere, and trust me when I say that he deserved a break.

"I'm not leaving you-" a yawn cut him off "alone," he finished sheepishly, eyes shifting from my face.

"Go, I'll be fine, promise," I smiled at him.

"No." he protested childishly, lips pouting out as he crossed his arms.

"Go, Dimitri, I'll stay with her." Dimitri finally sighed, nodding as he now had no excuse.

"Have fun." Sydney teased Adrian as she gave him a peck before leaving, Dimitri doing the same to me before Adrian and I were alone.

"What are you hoping to find in this?" Adrian asked, coming to sit beside me so that he could see the notes better. I leant on my elbows, hands in my hair as I stared down at the multitude of notes.

"I don't know! Something that will show me who the snitch is, a clue or hint at least, just something!" I was more than frustrated.

Adrian rubbed my back in an attempt to comfort me as he picked a few notes up, spreading them out.

"Don't worry, Rose, we will figure this out, okay?" I sighed but nodded.

For about another hour we just stared at the notes, throwing ideas around or sitting in silence when suddenly there was a knock on the door, I looked up in confusion as a stranger entered.

"Rosemarie Mazur?" I nodded my head, brows furrowed while I watched as a young woman scurry forward. It was more than obvious that she was scared; she was practically quivering in her boots.

"Someone told me to give this to you." She placed the letter in front of me and then ran away before I could say something or ask who it was that gave it to her.

"Thanks, I guess," I glanced over at Adrian, seeing his eyes widened slightly as he stared at the note. Confused, I looked down before groaning. I slowly opened the letter, my eyes frantically reading over the words before I stilled.

Before Adrian could see it I folded it up and shoved it into my pocket.

"Rose, what is it?" he stared at me in shock and I sighed.

"There's nothing helpful here, Adrian, if you want to go, you can, I wouldn't blame you." I offered and he shook his head. He stared at me seriously, jade green eyes intense on mine as he placed his hand over mine.

"Rose, you're my best friend, I'm not leaving you alone, no matter what you say." It made a pain deep in my chest, knowing, just knowing what my future plans were.

"Thank you, Adrian," he never realised just how much for.

…

That night I dressed in black jeans and a black shirt, a note left on my bed, and a bag over my shoulder as I successfully snuck out of the apartment. With each step my heart thudded in time, regret pulsing through my veins.

"Where do you think you're going?" I paused, head tilting down as I sighed. Almost successfully, at least. I wanted to leave without anybody knowing. Not until tomorrow, at least. I needed to do this. This wasn't something that they could fight with me on.

"For a walk," I supplied, but we both knew that it was a lie. I wasn't sure why I even bothered.

"You're packing for a walk?" I bit my lip and turned back to face Dimitri.

"Just let me go, Dimitri, please," I pleaded. His face was hard, in that guardian mask that reminded me so much of when I was back at the Academy. Back when everything was at least slightly easy.

"I can't do that!" he snapped, walking towards me with long gaits, closing the distance quickly. I tried not to cry, I desperately tried.

"You don't understand!" it was more than panic that was filling my chest. It was pain, horror, confusion and so much more that I didn't understand. It was such a mixture of emotions that made me feel like crying and screaming at the same time.

Dimitri closed the couple of inches that was now between us and gripped my upper arms.

"Then help me to understand!" Dimitri snapped and finally a tear fell from my eye. I leant up quickly, lips connecting with his as I kissed him with as much passion and feeling as I could. As I ever had. In my mind I repeated that night in the cabin, I repeated our plans for the future how everything was meant to be if this was a perfect world.

In a perfect would we were meant to be together. We would have been a family. The first time I met his family wasn't because of a life or death situation, and when I stayed with them it was for a visit to my husband's family. If it was a perfect world, and we weren't dhampir's, we'd probably have a kid. I'd imagine them to be like Paul, annoyingly perfect. In a perfect world we'd have that cottage, white picket fence and puppy, he'd come home to cooked meals and a kid on my hip. And I'd be happy to do it because it was Dimitri. I'd be happy because I'd be with the one man that I'd risked absolutely everything for, that I'd risked my heart for, and for some reason he had loved me back.

This wasn't a perfect world.

I pulled away, "I love you so much, Dimitri, please, please never forget that. You are the only man I've ever loved. This was _never your fault_."

And his eyes widened as my knee came up and connected to his groin, and when he hit the ground I hit the back of his neck, officially knocking him out.

And then I turned and walked away from him. I walked away from a happy dream into a dreaded nightmare, and all to save my best friend.

I let Mason die, but I wouldn't let Dean.


	14. Chapter 14

I stashed my bag away in a tree; if I made it out alive I at least needed that to get me through. _If _I made it out alive, that was. I didn't want to be pessimistic, but I knew my chances, and I knew them well.

Looking at the cave made memories well within me, made pain bubble inside. The last time I had run through that cave entry was the time that I had saved my love's life. It had been just before everything broke for me.

It was before Dimitri told me he could no longer be with me. It was before I had actually seen the sincerity behind the words, the first time I had truly, truly believed them. It was before I graduated, before I met Dean and before I began to just go through the motions.

It was before I had come to realise that my life would never be simple.

I was hesitant to continue, but I knew that Dean would help me, no matter what he had to do. With a grip on my stake and a hesitance in my step, I entered the dark tunnels, blinking quickly, letting my eyes adjust before continuing further.

The caves were incredibly dark, no human would be able to see, and as it was I could barely do so, even with my heightened eyesight. I, however, did know that there were many turnoffs and grooves, but I was being extra vigilant to watch that.

It was a couple of hours ago that I had felt panic and horror flash through the bond, meaning Lissa had dropped the block and Dimitri had told them what had happened. I hope that they got the note. I honestly doubted I'd survive this so I hoped that they at least got my goodbye. I hoped that they got my apology, because they deserved it. They deserved an apology and a thank you for everything I've put them through and everything they've helped me with.

With my thoughts slowly slinking back within my mind, I hadn't registered the sick feeling within my stomach.

"Rose, you made it." The voice was light and pleasant. Before I could spin around to face it I was struck on the back of the head. I hit the ground unconscious before I could make a move.

…

I wasn't sure what time it was when I woke up or how long I'd been unconscious. All I knew was that my head pounded, my forehead felt itchy and tight and my arms were pulled behind by back, secured with those plastic cuffs.

The situation was too much like before, making me feel panicked. I had thought that I'd be coming into this on my turf. I should have realised. I was no stupid person, but I knew that I'd made a horrendous mistake with this.

"You're awake. Good," I looked up, my eyes adjusting to the light, a candle far away from me. On the other side of the room in fact. It was nice to know they were taking precautions at least.

"Where's Dean?" I snapped, regretting it immediately after as it made the pounding in my head increase. I winced, knowing that itchy, tight feeling on my forehead was dried blood. I'd felt it more times than I really wished I had to.

"You're so protective over your friends, Rose," the blonde crouched in front of me, smirking sickly, "it's quite disgusting actually." The smirk turned into a grimace and he licked his fangs as if a foul taste actually lingered in his mouth.

"Where is he?" I cried loudly and Nathan chuckled. It was a sound that sent chills down my spine. I struggled with the bind but it was tied to a link in the ground, my knees clasped together as well as my ankles. There was no hope of moving.

"He's…quite well, actually," Nathan smirked "I'm surprised, in fact," I felt myself becoming confused.

"You don't find many Moroi who willingly side with Strigoi, even more so _Priests_. Not to mention, he was so close to you, I almost thought he'd actually grown attached," Nathan knelt, again, in front of me, curling a strand of my hair around his finger, but I was too shocked to react.

"_No_," I whimpered pathetically. Nathan snapped his fangs at me before grinning, his red eyes flashing.

"Oh_, yes_," that wasn't Nathan speaking. My eyes flashed up behind him, to the entrance of this cave, to see Dean walk in. No. This wasn't Dean.

Dean didn't betray me. Dean had gossip sessions with me and ate ice cream, and he blew off his Priestly duties and teased my eating habits mercilessly. This…this _creature _in front of me wasn't Dean. This was a nightmare.

_Please let this be a nightmare_.

"Why?" I cried, tears began to crawl down my cheeks without consent. I hated this feeling, I was weaker than I think I had ever been, but I couldn't stop it. Not Dean, never had I expected Dean. There was a tiny bit of hope though, when I saw his still brown eyes. He hadn't been turned yet.

"I had to, Rosie," I winced at the nickname as Dean bent down, slowly trailing a finger down my cheek. I jerked my head away, so forcefully I tilted and hit my side, grunting before he laughed a cruel sound, pulling me up by my arms. I winced at the tight pain, knowing that there was a high chance I'd now have bruises.

Even if Dean's eyes were still brown, they weren't warm like before. He might as well have been turned. His eyes were hard. Cold. It was just as vile as a Strigoi's.

"No you didn't! You didn't _have to_!" I tried to stop the tears, but I couldn't exactly wipe them away, having to let them fall from my chin.

"It was kind of fun actually," Dean stood as he smiled down at me, the smile not the same carefree grin he used to give me, but instead made cold and hard, frightening from the betrayal. I kept trying to tell myself that Dean was as well as gone, this wasn't Dean, but my mind continued to make comparisons to torture me further.

"To befriend you, to play with your emotions. You were _so annoying_," he moaned out, tilting his head to the roof as if to scream his frustrations "your constant whining and pining, you were so clingy and pathetic…sometimes," he bent at the waist this time, leaning over me "sometimes I imagined breaking your neck, stabbing your own stake into your heart, so many ways to kill you, just to shut you up!"

Nathan leant on a wall further away, watching with interest in my reactions.

"You know it was my idea to use the knife, right?" I looked in further disbelief at him.

"Why?" it seems it was the only word that I could let out at this moment.

"Why? Because a knife was so much cleaner, we didn't want you dead just yet, but then Dimitri had to come back and _oh_, it was just so perfect! Both of you at once," he moved with speed only a Strigoi had, my chin suddenly trapped between his hands and his face a mere inch from my own "we thought it would be easy." He stared darkly into my eyes and I couldn't move.

I was terrified.

My best friend. My best friend had betrayed me. It was a lie from the beginning. A complete lie and I wasn't sure what to think. First Dimitri and then Dean. _Who else?_ My mind thought unwelcomely.

"Don't worry, Rosie, I was never in trouble." And Dean cackled and soon my emotions and mind caught up to the situation, and letting out one anguished cry my mind blacked out completely and my body went limp.

I was unconscious.

…

When I woke up it was due to severe pain. More than that. I don't think I'd ever felt any other physical pain like it. It reminded me of Christian, when he melted the cuffs. I soon realised, though, that this wasn't Christian. And this pain was unparalleled to what I had felt that day.

I screamed in agony as I stared at the lit matches he held to my skin.

"You're awake," Dean wasn't in here, and though I was awake Nathan never pulled the match away. My scream broke away, my throat closing as I just let out choked, pained sobs.

"Stop!" my voice was hoarse and not very loud, cracking and shaking in pain and fear.

"No." and when that match was snubbed out from the skin on my wrist, he lit another match and continued.

He did this all over my body and I suddenly hated being a dhampir. Being this species we could hold onto consciousness longer than regular humans, helpful in a battle, as we also have a higher pain threshold. This, however, was too much.

I wasn't sure how long it continued. He did it until the box of matches ran out and I could no longer scream or cry, he did it until my flesh was burnt in the spots he held the matches and tears simply streaked down my cheeks. He did it until there was a sickening smell of burning skin and sweat.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" he tormented "I'd be careful, Dean has so many more plans." I blacked out again.

…

The next time I woke up it was due to the feeling of knives hitting my face. Not real knives, I soon realised, but the feeling of ice, of such piercing cold it felt like thousands of pin pricks. They were dunking my head in a bucket full of ice water.

"Does that feel nice?" Dean watched, laughing. I was dunked back under, held until I ran out of air and then I was pulled back up. It hurt; the cold water was attacking me, making breathing in warm air harder after being in such freezing temperatures.

"Do it again," Dean ordered Nathan and all of a sudden my thrashing body was held back under. I screamed, not helping my reaction.

This continued, again, for a time period I wasn't sure of. I couldn't think, my mind was numb, only being able to focus on the pain. I vaguely wished for somebody to save me but knew that nobody would. I'd left them, a second time, they had no reason to come and find me. In an odd way I really didn't blame them.

"You think it's bad now, being held in ice water is actually a slow torturous progress, while you feel the cold now, and soon you will be short of breath. Your lungs will slowly feel as if they're freezing, kind of like knives piercing them over and over and over and over."

He was right. It didn't take too long for that reaction and soon, my constricting chest and pained lungs together made my mind blank from the pain. Or lack of oxygen.

This time, I wasn't sure whether to be glad about passing out or not.

…

I wasn't sure for how long I'd been held. Each torture was given until I passed out. Each torture that awoke me was horrible and I knew that I'd never come back from this. I'd never wished to die so much in my life.

I never understood the reason that people wished to 'escape' from pain by dying. It had all been so confusing before, but I understood now. If I was going through even half of this I knew that I would be wishing to die.

I felt disappointed in myself, in a way. I'd never truly given up before. Never. I'd always fought…I'd always had a reason to fight. I'd had Lissa, or Mason…or Dimitri. Who did I have now? I'd run from Lissa, Mason died because of me and Dimitri…I think it was the last straw. I'd pushed him away so much that I doubted he'd ever accept me back.

All my reasons were gone.

…

Today they woke me differently. I was woken by a harsh punch to my stomach which had me gasping for breath, but that was okay, it was probably the least pain I'd had to go through so far.

I wanted to retort with something snappy, something fierce and sarcastic like I used to. I had no energy. It seemed that the only thing that I could do was collapse back against the hard ground and hope that they would kill me.

I just wanted the pain to end.

"Hey now, there's no need for tears," I flinched as Dean bent down and wiped the tear from my eye.

Dots danced in front of my vision but I continued to just stare at him. He wasn't the slicked back Priest from St Basils anymore. His blonde hair was dishevelled, as if he'd run his hands through them too often, and he no longer grinned or smiled. He just scowled and sneered.

Dean sat beside me, leaning his back against the wall. My eyes followed him. How could he be acting so casual? Had all of this been fake?

"I hate you," my voice didn't sound like my own. It was hoarse and sore and cracked in multiple places. I licked my chapped, bleeding lips.

He smirked at me "Good. You should. After all I've done you should do more than just hate me," he glanced at me, raking his eyes over my bruised, bleeding and now scarred body.

"I never expected you to give up so fast, although I suppose even the brilliant Rose Hathaway had a breaking point." I turned my head back to stare up at the rock above me, not wanting to listen to him.

"Why?" I croaked again. Other than screams, it had been the only thing I could say. In the beginning I had sworn and spat, I had tried to struggle but I soon learned that it only made things worst. I stopped quickly.

"Is that all you can ask?" he snapped. I flinched but didn't move my eyes from the rock.

"I had a family once, you know," I frowned, because as far as I had known he had none. He used to tell me I was his only family left, but it hurt to remember this,

"I had a sister and parents and things had been…rough. My father was a bastard. He was weak and pathetic. One night we were out longer than we should've been and we were ambushed and kidnapped, by Nathan actually. We were held for a long time and I watched as my father pleaded to let him go, not my mother or his kids, but he said to keep them. Just let him go. Nathan killed him first, and then he went to my mother and sister. He kept me. He said that I had a choice. I had a choice in whether or not I could be a spy for him when needed, so I said yes." I knew he was staring at me again, but tears just continued to fall at his story.

"He said that I could help him and if I passed his test he'd make me as strong as the Strigoi are," Nathan stood and crouched beside me and I let him grab my face and turn to stare at him "don't you see, Rose? If you agreed to turn then all of this could be over. This pain…this torture could be over, you're strong; I've seen that. But you're also so weak…" he trailed his hand down my neck, stopping above my heart.

"Dimitri made you weak. He made you break…but don't worry; if you change he can be the first person you kill. You see, he's weak also. He's blinded by his love for you."

It was almost too tempting right now. Not just to end this pain and torture, but because of the deal.

Maybe…maybe that wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe if I changed, Dimitri would remember the deal we made those years ago.

Maybe he would remember the deal we made to kill each other, should we ever be turned.

"Just think about it." Dean walked out and I realised that I was…I was actually thinking about it.

I hated myself for wanting to say yes.

..

..

**I AM SO SORRY. **

**I know! I know, I'm a horrible horrible person for not updating and I could give plenty of excuses but I'm not going to. I'm just going to say sorry. **

**And sorry for doing this to Rose. I am really sorry. BUT, this kind of sets it up for the sequel of this book if none of you hate me too much after this. **

**This has about two or three chapters up and I'm not going to promise that they'll be up soon, but I will TRY to put them up. **

**For those that have stuck with this story until now, I really thank you for that. It's more than I expect, so that you. **


	15. Chapter 15

Dean visited me every day. Or, at least, I think it was every day. Between tortures he would wake me up and just sit with me. I was more than confused. Of course he would continue to try and convince me, and each time I was getting more tempted, but I still said no.

It wasn't my morals that were holding me back. It was the catch. There had to be something. They didn't just do this because Dimitri was the lone survivor or because they could use me. Now that I know Dean was against me all along I couldn't even count on the fact that Dimitri was the lone survivor. So what was it?

What was the reason that they wanted me to turn?

"You look like you're thinking quite hard." And I had been, so I hadn't at all realised that Nathan had been standing in the entrance to this cave.

"What are you thinking about?" he walked forward, but I refused to answer him.

"Don't worry, I'm not here to hurt you, it seems that Dean thinks it would be good to let you have a rest. To think over our offer, so," he crouched down again "have you thought about it?" I just glared at him, or at least I think I did. Between one swollen and one black eye, I think a dislocated jaw and many bruises; I wasn't sure what expression I was giving. All I knew was that it was painful for me.

"Catch," I wheezed out. He raised an eyebrow, a vicious grin tilting his lips at my obvious struggle.

"I'm sorry, I can't quite understand you," he chuckled.

"What's…catch…" it felt like my face was on fire every time I spoke. Or, my jaw and throat, at least. I was so thirsty. Thankfully they gave me food and drink, though lately it was soup as I couldn't chew.

"Oh, the catch…that's nothing for you to worry about until your decision." He patted my shoulder, causing me to whimper at the pressure before he left and I let my eyes slip shut as much as they could. I wanted sleep.

…

I had been so on edge that the tiniest noises had roused me from my unconscious stupor. It's not like I didn't have a reason for it anyway.

"What do you mean you think that they're on their way? How could they possibly know where she is?" it was so quiet that I had to strain my ears, but thankfully I wasn't in as much pain as I usually was. It seemed that they were truly allowing me to rest. My eyes weren't as bad, and while my jaw hurt it didn't as much. Black bruises had faded to purple and the yellow ones were gone. Open wounds were now scabs and my throat wasn't as bad.

The lack of screaming in pain had done wonders.

"She's not an idiot, she would have told somebody about her guess as to where we are," that was definitely Dean. I'd know his voice anywhere.

"Then we need to kill her as soon as we can. We can't let all of our plans go to waste. The line must be killed off, no matter what," my foggy brain struggled to right this. Line?

"Do it tomorrow, leave her for tonight. We don't need them coming any closer and hearing her, she's louder than you'd think. Wait until night, they wouldn't be stupid enough to stick around then." There was a grunted agreement and then footsteps walking away.

I lay, staring up at the ceiling as somebody entered.

"Listen to me, and listen to me well," I flinched as the hissed voice near my ear "you run, you run as fast as you fucking can, understand? I can't help you more than this, got that?" I looked over at Dean who cut the binds from around my ankles and knees.

"What?" I was so much more confused than I had ever thought I could be.

What the fuck was he doing? First he gains my trust, then he betrays me, tortures me, tries to get me to be something we are sworn to never be, and now he's cutting me free?

_What the fuck is going on? _

"As much as I wish I could kill you, I can't." he paused and stared into my eyes and I realised that they weren't the cold ones I'd been seeing. They were almost like before, almost.

"Why?" I asked as he began to work on the plastic cuffs. I sat up in pain, though adrenaline ran through my body, numbing it almost.

Dean looked into my eyes, his filling with a pain that hadn't been there before "because, I let one sister die, I won't let another." And then he helped me stand.

"What about Nathan?" I hissed quietly. I found that I couldn't walk properly, I more or so stumbled. My muscles were so weak that already they were shaking.

"I can distract him for now. He stays somewhere away from here, he shouldn't notice you. There's a wire along the ground, follow that, it will lead you out, understand?" I nodded once and leant heavily against the wall.

"Dean?" he looked back at me but didn't respond.

"He's going to kill you, isn't he?" Dean gave an almost pained look before he grinned. It was that grin that he used to give me at the academy. It was dimpled and carefree and everything that I used to believe he was, before all this. Maybe I could believe he was again.

I wanted to hug him. I wanted a proper goodbye. I didn't want him to die. Not like Mason. I didn't want to give up on him, but I was even weaker than before. I felt helpless and stupid.

"Good luck, Rosie," the nickname made tears fall, and despite his own brown orbs filling with water he kept that carefree smile on for me, and refused to let it go. I know that it was for my sake. I know that he knew that the only way I could fight was for somebody. I never fought for myself.

He knew that. He was giving me somebody to fight for.

"Dean?" he turned back around again. "I love you," I tried not to sob but it was getting increasingly difficult.

His grin faltered for but a moment "I love you, too, Rosie. I always did…good luck," and then he turned and jogged away. He never looked back and I knew it was because he was crying as well.

He didn't want the last memory I ever have of him to be of him crying, to be of him giving up his life. He didn't want a proper goodbye because he didn't want one either. He wanted me to remember the guy he was at the academy, he wanted me to remember my best friend who enforced gossip sessions, blew off Priestly duties and ate ice cream with me when I was upset.

I wondered how I could truly believe he was evil. What sort of evil man sat with me in the back pews of a church hours before others got up, with a tea for the both of us and jokes that would make me smile? None.

Dean had never been evil. I really wished I'd realised that before he had to give himself up for me.

…

Feet stumbled along the ground, my mind spun and those black, ghost faces danced in my vision, taunting me closer to death. I didn't stop fighting though. I wouldn't make his life be so easily given up. I wouldn't make his sacrifice worth nothing.

My shoulder, I was sure, was torn up pretty badly with just how much I was dragging it on the dirty wall. My muscles quivered with each step and the tears had made me exhausted. I felt heat suddenly and blinked up, flinched away from the light. I hadn't seen it in so long that it hurt more than did well.

There was no relief. No happy smile at the thought of escape because, really, where do I go from here? I stumbled forward still though, until I was outside and my back rested on the grey cliff rock. I slid down, staring at the sky and realising that I had a few good hours of sunlight left.

There was something bugging me, something that they had spoken about. Who was getting closer? How long had it been?

I didn't think it could hurt. I tried to get back up but I couldn't, my body was finally shutting down. I was panicking again, I'd just sit here until night, where Nathan could come and find me again. I didn't want to let that happen. I had to make Dean's death worth it.

I tried screaming, yelling out, but all that came was a choked sputter that left me painfully coughing. I tried again, swallowing and trying to hydrate my dry throat as much as I could before sucking in a deep breath. I'd never screamed that loud before, or that long.

It took the last of my energy and my body tilted to the side and I grunted as I hit it. A rock was digging painfully into my back.

"Rose!" I blinked my eyes open, more shocked and confused than anything. This had to be a dream, wasn't it?

"Crap, Rose, it's okay, the others will be here soon," Christian lifted me up, but only enough to place my head in his lap.

"You have to stay awake, Rose, okay? You have to stay awake!" he sounded so panicked and scared that it almost made me do as he said. I was too exhausted though. Too tired.

"Come on, Rose, please stay awake," he paused a moment before yelling out loudly, to the others I presume.

"Chris?" I croaked, my eyes slipping shut "I'm sorry." And finally, I once again passed out.


	16. Chapter 16

When I woke up I expected the pain. I expected the torture, for my safety to just be a dream. Instead I was blissfully painless, which automatically made me think that I had died. Thankfully I hadn't, because if I had then that would mean Adrian was dead as well.

People couldn't hold dead people's hands. And if this was heaven, there was no reason for one to be asleep. Or so I supposed. I wasn't entirely sure what would happen after death. Mason always refused to tell me.

"He hasn't left your side," I looked up the door to see an exhausted looking Sydney.

"He thinks that it's his fault," she continued and I frowned, staring back down at him. I lifted my hand from his and gently pushed his messy hair out of his eyes to get a closer look. His face was more pale than usual and he had black bags under his eyes.

"Has he been eating?" I said through a dry throat, though I must admit that it felt better than before.

"We force a feeder here every day, it all depends on his mood whether he accepts." Sydney walked in and stood on my other side, studying my face.

"We're lucky that your body is more willing to accept Lissa's magic now, you'd be a lot worst otherwise." I found that odd, since last time Lissa and I had tried my body still barely accepted.

Before I could respond Adrian had woken up, sitting up quickly and blinking blearily before staring at me. It took him a moment to realise that I was conscious, when he did he gasped and hugging me tightly.

"Rose, thank god you're awake, I thought we'd lost you." He kissed my forehead and I simply hugged him back tightly, not answering. I thought he'd lost me as well.

"I'll go get the others," Sydney left us alone as I nodded and Adrian pulled away from me, holding my hand tightly.

"Dean?" he asked softly and suddenly my eyes began to sting and well with tears at the memories. There was a deep ache in my chest that made me feel like clawing at my skin. The pain…of God, it hurt.

"Oh, Rose," Adrian hugged me again, sliding into the bed as I sobbed heavily into his chest, high keens drawing from my throat. I let him think that Dean was just a victim, because, in my eyes, that's all he ever was. I'll die with that information. After all, it is the least that I could do.

That's how people found Adrian and me and slowly, awkwardly, they all shuffled in.

When my crying stopped I was exhausted again and hiccupping.

"Can I have a shower?" I asked into the still quiet room.

"You've been asleep for a few days, and while we tried to get the blood out of your hair we couldn't…and I know how much you hate the hospital robes so I brought you some clothes as well, but they may be too big," Lissa shuffled forward and placed a bag on the end of the bed.

I nodded my head, wiping at my face as I glanced down at the IV in my hand. I frowned and ripped it out of my skin. It was barely a pin prick to what I've been through, so I didn't even wince as it began to bleed. I took the rest of it off and ignored Mum's scolding.

I just wanted to look into the mirror. I wanted to see how bad the damage was. And I did.

The mirror wasn't that big, but it was clean and showed me from my waist up. My brown hair was matted down my back, stuck with blood and dirt and whatever other fluid I had lain in. I wondered how long I had been away, for it to become like that. My eyes still had the slight bruise; just a hint of one and my nose was slightly crooked. My jaw looked kind of bruised as well.

Looking down there were pink raised burns in random places all over my body, mostly my wrists, stomach, thighs and ankles. I had pink lines as well; knife cuts on my back when I turned around. Nothing looked as if it was scabbed, but almost at the end of the healing process. Sydney was right, my body had been accepting Lissa's healing.

My body was thinner than ever before, my ribs poking out, and I realised that even if I wore the clothes from when I had stopped eating, even they may fall off of me. My eyes were drawn, though, mostly to the pink lines that wrapped around my ankles, just above my knees and my wrists. The scars from where the cuffs and fishing wire had held me bound. Looking into my eyes I realised that I looked just as dead as Dean had.

I had a shower turned on too hot and scrubbed my body until it was red, but I could do little for my hair. The water was stained pink and I wasn't bothered to continue this. I washed most of it out before drying myself and wrapping a towel around my body.

I opened the door and they all turned to stare at me but I tried to ignore their pained looks.

"I need scissors," I could see they were about to ask but Mia simply nodded and went into a draw before handing me them. They watched me as I turned back to the mirrors, bundling all my hair in one hand began to chop it off. They gaped as I cut my own hair to above my chin hazardously, choppy and looking horrible, but now the matting could come undone. When I finished I put my head under the water and washed it again, rubbing my hands through the short strands.

I sighed; it eased the tightness of my skull. After brushing my hair I closed the door again and dressed and realised I was right. The clothes were a little too big, but thankfully they didn't fall off of me. I pulled the drawstring of the grey sweat pants tight and pulled the tank top on before sweeping the cut hair into a bin with my hand.

Everyone still sat there, but now a doctor had entered. She looked shocked as she saw my hair before smiling.

"Short hair suits you," she commented "we need to check up on you before you can leave, I hope that's okay?" I nodded once, not speaking.

She did whatever she had to before stepping back, looking almost worried "you went through a lot, Rose," I knew this speech and interrupted her.

"I'm not seeing a shrink, if I'm all good to go I'd like to." She looked shocked before nodding once.

"The forms are already signed, you're free to go." She left the room and I pulled on the flip flops that Christian handed me.

I thanked him before grabbing the duffle bag and headed towards the same place Ambrose had worked.

I knew Adrian was following me, telling the others that we'll catch up later.

"Where are you going?" Adrian asked, falling into step beside me. I glanced over at him and felt guilty for causing his worry.

"Getting my hair fixed." I responded and Adrian nodded.

Adrian made sure to ask for the 'best hairdresser' and I simply thanked him as he insisted that he would pay. That was good because I obviously didn't have my wallet on me. All I wanted out of it though, was to not look like myself. I was over being me.

If anything, all I wanted right now was to be so far away from everyone, so far from the pain and the memories. So far from everything that reminded me of friends and family, because I knew that if I wasn't hurting myself, I was hurting them.

"Come on, Rose, Doc said not to let you eat but I think you deserve a doughnut," I grinned at Adrian and took the hand that he held out, letting him guide me to whatever café he wanted to go to. Oddly enough, I didn't feel like a doughnut. Or eating actually.

We walked to that café he had taken me to that first day and I sighed. So much had changed.

After we sat down with a tea and doughnut I stared down at them, biting my lip.

"What is it?" I looked up at Adrian who studied me, and not my aura, just me. I was kind of glad that I had somebody who knew me enough to read me, but then I hated it as well.

"What?" I asked, too innocently.

"Rose, I know you, aura or not, something is on your mind, I'm not asking you to tell me about your time there, but talk to me," I stared up at him and realised just what I'd done. It wasn't only me that was affected by this, it was him as well, and the others maybe.

Adrian, even while drunk and being affected by the darkness that comes with spirit, always had a certain…shine to his eyes. It seemed that the shine had been dimmed. It hurt knowing I was the cause of that.

"How long was I gone?" Adrian frowned.

"We all agreed that we shouldn't tell you," he hesitated.

"Adrian, I need to know, you can't keep this from me, please," I begged and he huffed. Running a hand through his unkempt hair and nodding.

"Okay, okay…it's been around two months, just a little ways away," my heart stuttered for a second as shock ripped through me.

"That long…" I trailed off, slumping back into my chair.

"Rose, like I said, I don't want to know what happened in there, because frankly I don't want you to relive it, but people are going to want to know…especially why. I know it was Dean, I'm not stupid, he was the only one left you'd run for, the only one you may have loved more than Dimitri, but the others don't know that." I began to cry again and Adrian slid his chair in beside mine, wrapping an arm around my shoulder he held me tight.

"Don't tell them, please don't tell them," Adrian nodded, rubbing his thumb along the back of my neck.

"I won't, it's okay, I won't."

The worst thing, I think, about this situation was the future. The future is dangerous, and I already had my plans. I knew them the moment I ran out of that cave. There was only one thing left for me to do, and that was to finish this once and for all.

Nathan had to die. Whether I came back from this or not, I had a duty and a friend to avenge.


	17. Authors note

AUTHORS NOTE

Okay, so chapter 16 was the last official chapter, but in a couple of minutes I will be posting the Epilogue.

I'm going to ask this as I've left it open for a sequel. Did you want one?

I haven't wrapped it up and I won't know when I can post or when I can write the sequel, but I will willingly write one if enough of you want one.

HOWEVER, I would like to thank you all so damn much for sticking with me through this story. I think this is honestly the longest fanfiction I have ever written and actually gotten through.

Again, thank you so much!


	18. Epilogue!

Epilogue

"So you're just going to leave, just like that?" I sighed, a duffle bag over my shoulder.

It's been two weeks and so far things have been…strained. I was exhausted, mentally and physically, but I'd done a good job at making the others think I was fine. I think they pretended too though. They didn't know what I went through, but they saw the scars.

Night time was the worst. I wasn't crying due to nightmares, like they seem to think. No, I wasn't imagining the torture, or the horrible pain I've been through. All I could see was that grin, because that was what hurt most of all.

If I wanted to make it through this I had to be strong, stronger than I ever had been before. I couldn't just break down after Dean gave up for me. It wasn't right.

"We both knew that this was going to happen. I have a life, as do you," I looked back at Adrian who was staring at me, looking troubled. Lissa looked as if she was going to cry, but she was trying not to.

I'd said goodbye to the others before, they had understood, or tried to. They didn't want me to go, not with Nathan still out there, but I think they knew that I had to leave.

Adrian was trying to understand, he was more hesitant in me leaving but seemed to let go, Lissa was having the most trouble.

"No, not after all that's happened! I don't want to lose you again!" she yelled and I tried not to look angry. Time was wasting, ticking by every second. I needed to get a move on.

"Lissa, this is for the best, trust me," I tried to explain. Of course she didn't know why this was for the best, none of them do. I haven't told them about the conversation I had overheard, about the idea to still kill out the royal lines.

"How can I trust you when you keep leaving me?" she cried, hand running through her blonde hair in aggravation. Adrian stepped forward, holding her elbow. I knew he was trying to keep her calm, but Lissa was never the type to calm because someone said to.

"Lissa, let Rose do what she needs to, none of us truly understand, but we should respect her wishes," I think Adrian had grown up himself while I was here, and it was another reason I knew I should leave.

Adrian wasn't somebody you could easily change, he was too stubborn for that, and yet he had. He didn't deserve the crap that I'd put him through. All these years he'd gone through hell and it was because of me and he'd gotten nothing in return.

Sometimes, it was incredibly easy to just hate myself.

"No! What's best is if she stays here," Lissa roughly pulled her elbow from his grip.

"No, Lissa, that's what is best for you, but not for me!" I didn't want to hurt her, I didn't want that to be our last meeting, but that seemed to be the direction it was taking. "You've always had a different life to me, Lissa, you're the smart one, your future has been paved from the beginning, and I've just been there to follow along. That doesn't work anymore! I've changed, obviously I've changed and being your little puppet isn't how I roll anymore. We live two different lives now, so grow up and take a look around you!" Lissa gasped, water filling her eyes as she took a step back from me.

"Rose…" I shook my head, hating the things that I was saying to her.

"You're a princess, the last of you line, so start acting like one! You won't always get your damn way in life, and that's something you're going to have to start learning!" she shook her head before turning and running away from me, sandals slapping on the pavement.

I watched her go with an iron heart, sort of glad that she wasn't watching me leave.

"You've really hurt her," Adrian said softly. I adjusted the bag strap as I nodded.

"Yeah, yeah…I know," I turned to look at him.

"You get it, though, don't you?" I felt even guiltier as he shook his head, giving that wry smirk he did.

"No, but I'm trying, and I'm not going to hold you back. You wouldn't hurt her on purpose unless you had to, she'll get over it, don't worry." He said surely and I nodded, biting my lip.

"It's funny, on the last goodbye everyone else but you was here, and now no one but you is…things have changed, haven't they?" Adrian pulled me into a hug and I winced as he held me too tight.

I'm still not to my full strength, still too skinny and weak, but that'll change. I'll change it. I don't exactly have a choice, do I?

"Just be careful out there, won't you, Rose? I thought lost you once; I can't stand knowing that you'll be gone forever, too." I nodded my head, but he hadn't yet let go.

"Take care of her, and Sydney. They may seem strong but they have their moments as well," we pulled away and he held the sides of my head tightly, staring into my eyes.

"I'll look after them, as long as you promise to call me and look after yourself," I nodded.

"Say it!" he ordered and I closed my eyes, knowing that he'd know if I was lying.

I held his eyes firmly "I promise to try," he rolled his eyes.

"I'll take what I can get," he kissed my forehead before stepping away.

"Now go, before I use my status to get the guardians to force you to stay," I let out a short laugh and nodded turning and walking through the open gates of the court. I glanced back once, my brows furrowing as I caught site of, not only Adrian, but Dimitri, a few metres behind.

We'd never had a proper goodbye. Hell, I didn't even know what we were. Things were too complicated, but I knew that we couldn't be anything. Not now anyway. I was more than just damaged and that's not something he deserved.

Dimitri simply stared at me with emotion that I couldn't describe, not anymore. I think…I think I had ruined things just too much for it to every work. I'll always love him, but right now there isn't enough room in my heart to love.

I swallowed once before turning and walking away from them, heading out to the winding dirt road.

This was what it was going to be. I had a long walk a head of me, it's going to be hard and exhausting, but I think that I could do it. I had to. Dean didn't deserve what he got and they deserve to be safe.

I'd do what I have to, no matter the cost, to make sure my friends are safe. Even if that means giving up my life, because that's what I was taught. Lissa and Dean come first. Moroi come first.

_**They come first. **_


End file.
